To Have Or Not To Have?

[jetfire 0]

Erm... my 2 cents worth on the qn above

everyone have their own belief and society have their stigma , eg like having a child wld b a complete family blah blah..........

but at the end of the day, it depends on what you and ur partner want in life.

Example

1. whether you have time or financially sound to support your kids

2. maybe your in-laws want a grandchild

3. is your partner someone who wld share the responsilbity.

4. does your partner want a kid?

in some ways i'm quite similar to cheesecake, got married already for coming 2 years and childless. alot of ppl. from frens to relative all gave the blah blah reasons but we stand firm on not having any.

if you guys were to be childless, there is an impt point to note that is to fill up the time and space left void by not having a child. if its not done properly or inored, marriage wld go down the drain.

having a child in some family do occupy the void time and hence making most couples busy. like what most forumers have stated they wld be exhausted once their kids are aslp let alone think of other matters.

Hence, being childless can be as tough as having a child in certain couples. most important is to ask yourself why u and your partner don't want a child? if reason is valid, i don't see why its a bad thing

[leen 2]

hi all,

juz to share my experience.

im in a medium size company, total staffs strength is about 600++ (i think, too many ppl here already)

and there are different subsidiaries, depts, divisions etc.

so in order to implement and control all staffs & workers, we have this electronic HR thing so that we are able to do these things:

1) apply leave must apply in advance of 3 days for normal leave application other then that its urgent leave and must put reason.

2) there is a daily board where you can see who are on leave from which dept for 3 days (3 days forecast)

3) to prevent ppl from same dept taking leave on same timing and thus leave crash. we are expected to take turn to take leave unless valid reason is provided. this is gd as it helps the managers to plan and arrange who to cover duties.

we have the following type of leave and all these are watched/approved/etc. by the Union so cannot anyhow change anything:

1) maternity leave

2) urgent leave

3) annual leave

4) childcare leave

5) hospitalation leave - must be in hospital type, different from sick leave

6) compassionate leave

7) business leave

8) exam leave

9) NS leave

10) on course leave

11) no pay leave

12) sick leave - eg. MC

but no: FREE LEAVE

and so in order to make everyone follow the company rules & regulations, we have to apply leave should we need to be away from work.

only individual bosses (also depend on who you work with) will give you time off with 1 eye open and 1 eye close. and some bosses will be vy strict, but some will back stab you behind by complaining to HR and you will kana from HR.

but of course there are many ppl who can geng type who will go take MC instead of taking annual leave as they want to accumulate as many as possible so that can take and go for long holiday or take leave as and when they like.

until 2 years ago, our 2nd auditor came in and said that MC is a cost to the company and so is accumulated annual leave. they present a scenario to us; eg. if profit sharing / bonus for year 2000 is 7 months for each staffs, and due to too many accumulated leave, some may get 7mths, some 5mths, some 3mths, some 2weeks, depending on how many leave they have accumulated, ppls start to get a shock. and start to take proper leave. dunno if this is a gd way but now there are less accumulation of leave and unnecessary MCs. (coz some ppl give fake MCs and was somehow been found out)

[karen77sg 0]

hi all,

juz to share my experience.

im in a medium size company, total staffs strength is about 600++ (i think, too many ppl here already)

and there are different subsidiaries, depts, divisions etc.

so in order to implement and control all staffs & workers, we have this electronic HR thing so that we are able to do these things:

1) apply leave must apply in advance of 3 days for normal leave application other then that its urgent leave and must put reason.

2) there is a daily board where you can see who are on leave from which dept for 3 days (3 days forecast)

3) to prevent ppl from same dept taking leave on same timing and thus leave crash. we are expected to take turn to take leave unless valid reason is provided. this is gd as it helps the managers to plan and arrange who to cover duties.

we have the following type of leave and all these are watched/approved/etc. by the Union so cannot anyhow change anything:

1) maternity leave

2) urgent leave

3) annual leave

4) childcare leave

5) hospitalation leave - must be in hospital type, different from sick leave

6) compassionate leave

7) business leave

8) exam leave

9) NS leave

10) on course leave

11) no pay leave

12) sick leave - eg. MC

but no: FREE LEAVE

and so in order to make everyone follow the company rules & regulations, we have to apply leave should we need to be away from work.

only individual bosses (also depend on who you work with) will give you time off with 1 eye open and 1 eye close. and some bosses will be vy strict, but some will back stab you behind by complaining to HR and you will kana from HR.

but of course there are many ppl who can geng type who will go take MC instead of taking annual leave as they want to accumulate as many as possible so that can take and go for long holiday or take leave as and when they like.

until 2 years ago, our 2nd auditor came in and said that MC is a cost to the company and so is accumulated annual leave. they present a scenario to us; eg. if profit sharing / bonus for year 2000 is 7 months for each staffs, and due to too many accumulated leave, some may get 7mths, some 5mths, some 3mths, some 2weeks, depending on how many leave they have accumulated, ppls start to get a shock. and start to take proper leave. dunno if this is a gd way but now there are less accumulation of leave and unnecessary MCs. (coz some ppl give fake MCs and was somehow been found out)

Wow....yr company is quite rigid in the leave thing....quite stressful bt the profit sharing/bonus seems attractive! Perhaps tat may motivate ppl not to keng here and there....got pros and cons...

[leen 2]

actually its quite ok la, our leaves got many days leh. 14 days for year 1 to year 7. pro-rated for year 8. after that its 21 days per year. some eg. of leave days. for me, i already acumulate to 40days annual leave.

1) maternity leave: 60days

2) urgent leave: same as annual leave

3) annual leave: 14 or 21

4) childcare leave

5) hospitalation leave - must be in hospital type, different from sick leave: 60 days

6) compassionate leave

7) business leave

8) exam leave

9) NS leave

10) on course leave

11) no pay leave

12) sick leave - eg. MC

[countrylover 0]

Just to add my 2 cents worth :

Having children is a life-long commitment and there's really no right and wrong here. Everybody has his/her reasons whether to have or not to have kids. It is very important to know what are our priorities in life and the direction that both are heading. We shd never be pressurized into having kids just because relatives or our spouse want us to do so, when we are not mentally prepared.

That in itself is also a life progression. I have a good friend who was very insistent not to have kids after marriage. The reason she gave was she wanted to focus on her career and enjoy couplehood. Those were her sentiments more than 10 years ago. Now in her 40s, she regretted her decision, especially when she has gone into another stage of her life where family life matters more to her and everybody else around her was enjoying an enriching family life with children. In fact, she already felt her maternal pangs in her mid 30s and tried very hard to conceive but to no avail. Even spent lots of money on IVF etc but till now, she's still childless. She told me that she's resigned to her fate cos of her selfishness and self-centredness when younger and is now looking to adopt a child.

My point of sharing the story is not to pinpoint that it's wrong to not want to have kids but to encourage all ladies out there to conceive when they are young. Cos as we age, many health reasons and complications set in, which might jeopardize our chances of conceiving.

I'm a proud mother of two princesses - 8 years and 6 years. As many have shared here, parenting is not an easy task as we face different challenges and problems in every stage of our children's lives. If someone were to ask me if I enjoy being a mother, my answer would be "Yes, tremendously!". I'm a young mother as I married young. Till now, people still don't believe that I'm a mother of two!

That put aside, motherhood has "forced" me to mature and learn the importance of responsibilities. It has made me see life from a different perspective. I used to be a very pessimistic person but parenthood has made me more optimistic and realise that life is beautiful afterall. My children make me complete and they are the source of my motivation in life. When I'm stressed and all worn out after a bad day at work, their smiles and hugs are all that's necessary to drive all my worries away! Every parent can vouch to this.

There's so much more to expect from my children that's beyond description. I feel that children help to improve the bonding and love between spouses too, cos that's where they start to plan their dreams and move towards that. Every couple probably faces the problem whereby they feel that passion starts to die after a few years of marriage. So in a way, having kids helps to jazz up the marriage, to make them feel that there's something exciting to look forward to. But we should be careful not to fall into the trap of using children to salvage a marriage. That's a definite no-no.

[ppoii 0]

I used to hate children when i was young. when my wife and i got married, i told her that i dun wan any children. Well, accident happened and now i have 2 beautiful children age 3 and 5. The joy of have children cannot be describe with words. The sense of satisfaction when you heard them say: " i love you daddy" cannot be replaced by any other achievement. They are my greatest pride and joy.

And i must say it certainly better the relationship i have with my wife. We spent most of our times talking abt our children, the funny things they do and say... There are endless things to share abt children.

Imagine if we do not have any children, the joy we are missing. it will be a terrible loss.

I fully understand the reservations of having children and i was having the same reservation. All i can say now is that i wish i had started earlier....