To Have Or Not To Have?

[Mousehunt 0]

Hi All,

I have 3 kids and all are boys. Let me tell you, they are no fun. Taking care of them is a nightmare. However, when they laugh and cuddle you, my god, my heart just melt away.

Right from the start, I told my wife "NO KIDS!!" I just let nature take its course. I told my wife if we can't have any kids, we just spend the money on travel.

My mum once told me, "人养你， 你养人“。 This is the nature of law. I am a bread winner and though life is tough, I still try to make ends meet. For my family and children, I am willing to do anything for them.

I have friends who has 1 kid only. The reason thet told me why they stop at one is because they want to give the best to their kids. Their best refer to piano lesson, undivided love, enrichment course etc. I bluntly told them the best gift you can give a child is a sibling for companionship. We don't live forever. When we are gone and if they don't have a sibling, they are all alone. With a sibling, they can confide in each other when they have problem. Remember the old saying "blood is thicker than water"? My friends eventually come to their senses and finally give birth to another children.

Another reason to have more than 1 kids, according to my mum, is that in case one become bad, there is still another one to hope on. Get what I mean?

There is never a good time to have kids, trust me. No matter how prepared you are, mentally or financially. When the child is born, you will just be like any other parent, overwhelmed and stress. But once you get the hang of it, you will know what to do.

When youhave kids, there will be trade-off. I do not like to refer them as sacrifice. Because once I term it as sacrifice, I expect something in return. To me, it is my duty to provide them what I can within my limits. Couple time will be drastically reduced. You will be busy with changing diapers, bathing for baby etc. If they are sick, the stress will be at least 10x more.

For those who said who wants to have kids late, I would like you to think again. Work out the sums and logic. You do not want to continue to sponsor your kid to Uni when you are 60 right?

Like what ther people said, you will understand your parent better when you are a parent yourself. Now come to think of it, I would brand myself as unfillial and basically an *******. But too bad, my mum is gone and I can never have the chance to be fillial to her. People always complain about their parent. But have you ever think about without your parent around, how will you feel?

In summary, kids is good to have, but at the least you must know what to expect. There is no such thing as it is a woman duty to have kids. But a family is never complete without them.

[gendon 0]

Hi All,

I have 3 kids and all are boys. Let me tell you, they are no fun. Taking care of them is a nightmare. However, when they laugh and cuddle you, my god, my heart just melt away.

Right from the start, I told my wife "NO KIDS!!" I just let nature take its course. I told my wife if we can't have any kids, we just spend the money on travel.

My mum once told me, "人养你， 你养人“。 This is the nature of law. I am a bread winner and though life is tough, I still try to make ends meet. For my family and children, I am willing to do anything for them.

I have friends who has 1 kid only. The reason thet told me why they stop at one is because they want to give the best to their kids. Their best refer to piano lesson, undivided love, enrichment course etc. I bluntly told them the best gift you can give a child is a sibling for companionship. We don't live forever. When we are gone and if they don't have a sibling, they are all alone. With a sibling, they can confide in each other when they have problem. Remember the old saying "blood is thicker than water"? My friends eventually come to their senses and finally give birth to another children.

Another reason to have more than 1 kids, according to my mum, is that in case one become bad, there is still another one to hope on. Get what I mean?

There is never a good time to have kids, trust me. No matter how prepared you are, mentally or financially. When the child is born, you will just be like any other parent, overwhelmed and stress. But once you get the hang of it, you will know what to do.

When youhave kids, there will be trade-off. I do not like to refer them as sacrifice. Because once I term it as sacrifice, I expect something in return. To me, it is my duty to provide them what I can within my limits. Couple time will be drastically reduced. You will be busy with changing diapers, bathing for baby etc. If they are sick, the stress will be at least 10x more.

For those who said who wants to have kids late, I would like you to think again. Work out the sums and logic. You do not want to continue to sponsor your kid to Uni when you are 60 right?

Like what ther people said, you will understand your parent better when you are a parent yourself. Now come to think of it, I would brand myself as unfillial and basically an *******. But too bad, my mum is gone and I can never have the chance to be fillial to her. People always complain about their parent. But have you ever think about without your parent around, how will you feel?

In summary, kids is good to have, but at the least you must know what to expect. There is no such thing as it is a woman duty to have kids. But a family is never complete without them.

mousehunt

Currently I have one kid, just turned 3 yrs old recently. Would like to have more, but hubby said wait a while...will definitely have more than 1 kid bcos hubby understands why I do not want our son to be an only child, like me. Through the eyes of an only child, when we were born and growing up, at least got two people taking care of us...ie. our parents. But when our parents are older and not so mobile, the only child has no other siblings to rely on or share their load, as he/she is the only one to handle two people. This is something that I have prepared myself and also prepare my hubby to face this challenge in future, when my parents are older. Can I complain why my parents decided to stop at 1? Of course not. What can I say........it's my parents' choice ultimately.

And on the other hand, for parents who have alot of children.....when they get old..they're very lucky if all their children stay united & take turns to take care of two people, ie. their parents when old. Sometimes, have many children but none of the children can take care of the parents...also jialat.

[Mousehunt 0]

mousehunt

Currently I have one kid, just turned 3 yrs old recently. Would like to have more, but hubby said wait a while...will definitely have more than 1 kid bcos hubby understands why I do not want our son to be an only child, like me. Through the eyes of an only child, when we were born and growing up, at least got two people taking care of us...ie. our parents. But when our parents are older and not so mobile, the only child has no other siblings to rely on or share their load, as he/she is the only one to handle two people. This is something that I have prepared myself and also prepare my hubby to face this challenge in future, when my parents are older. Can I complain why my parents decided to stop at 1? Of course not. What can I say........it's my parents' choice ultimately.

And on the other hand, for parents who have alot of children.....when they get old..they're very lucky if all their children stay united & take turns to take care of two people, ie. their parents when old. Sometimes, have many children but none of the children can take care of the parents...also jialat.

Frankly speaking, even though I have 3 kids and I hope they can take care of me when I am old, but I am actually prepared to be alone. When kids grow up, they will have their own world. Actually, if my kids will to abandon me, it is my failure because I have failed to teach them about filiial piety.

Many say I will have a good life in the future because I have 3 kids. But if they all become bad eggs, it will be equal to none. Again, it is my fault for not educating them properly.

Parent can only give and can only hope that their children can grow up well and be healthy.

[karen77sg 0]

Wah...clockwork, u still maintain v well as a mum of 5 years har...

Even u walk on the streets, ppl may not tink u r married with a kid...

Well maintain!

Nowadays parents seldom count on their children to take care of them.

For my parents, they hv already saved up on their own for their old age

retirement and my mum always tel me, she dun count on us to support her.

As long as we dun give them trouble can liao...

I noe she oni say say nia...who dun wan their children to take care of them

when they r old?

[krisietong 0]

when i was younger.. my wish on my 18th birthday was to get married early and have a kid by age of 21. Now, at age of 26 and married for a year.. my hubby and I are still not prepared for a kid.. everyday, we are so caught up with work and trying to make ends meet.. paying for the car, maintaining the house, providing for our parents.. we still have so many things to achieve and $$ is needed for the things that we want to have. If we have kids, den our spare $$ will b all to them.. den how to achieve the things that we dreamed of?

Haiz.. i really wanted to further my studies overseas, but it has been on hold as I had to use my $$ for my wedding, den for our house. Now, we have to start from scratch to snowball our savings.. think it will take us another 3-4years to have sufficient funds for my studies.. by then, I am oreadi at 30s.. if i go for my studies, I mayb well over 30s..and mayb going over the 'appropriate' age for babies..

if it goes the other way round.. i dunnoe when I can get my paper so that I can further advance in my career.. as i am in the healthcare industry.. obtaining certification is the certain way to build up the ladder and to bring more dough for the family.

We have been fighting the dilemma of 'to have or not to have', for the past one year. In the end, we decided to leave the decision to God. Till now, it seems that God still thinks that we are not ready for another addition.

[Mousehunt 0]

There is nothing wrong in building up your career. It is your choice and there is nothing wrong to it. Gone are the days where having a children is a must. However, whether are you going to have kids or not, we still need to watch out for our financial status. There is a saying, "We can satisfy everyone's need, but not everyone's greed." To me, anythng that is wanted can be put on hold. Anything that is needed, it will have to proceed regardless what.

Now days, everyon'e need is different. Just do what you think is right and don't regret it.

[dreamgirl 0]

when i was younger.. my wish on my 18th birthday was to get married early and have a kid by age of 21. Now, at age of 26 and married for a year.. my hubby and I are still not prepared for a kid.. everyday, we are so caught up with work and trying to make ends meet.. paying for the car, maintaining the house, providing for our parents.. we still have so many things to achieve and $$ is needed for the things that we want to have. If we have kids, den our spare $$ will b all to them.. den how to achieve the things that we dreamed of?

Haiz.. i really wanted to further my studies overseas, but it has been on hold as I had to use my $$ for my wedding, den for our house. Now, we have to start from scratch to snowball our savings.. think it will take us another 3-4years to have sufficient funds for my studies.. by then, I am oreadi at 30s.. if i go for my studies, I mayb well over 30s..and mayb going over the 'appropriate' age for babies..

if it goes the other way round.. i dunnoe when I can get my paper so that I can further advance in my career.. as i am in the healthcare industry.. obtaining certification is the certain way to build up the ladder and to bring more dough for the family.

We have been fighting the dilemma of 'to have or not to have', for the past one year. In the end, we decided to leave the decision to God. Till now, it seems that God still thinks that we are not ready for another addition.

I am in similar situation here. Career or baby ?

Is it possible to have both ? I have a friend whose husband is still studying but they went ahead to have baby anyway. Of course need to struggle to scrimp $$ here and there, but again, babies are gift of life from God.

[cheesecake 0]

Have this fren who told me this, "Why other ppl nv tell me if i have kids, i must at least have 2??" lol She has one kid already & mainly due to pressure from her in-laws. She loves her son but now, when ppl are asking her when's her no.2, she's actually quite shocked becos she tot after having her son, considered 'job done' liao?

Hmmm...i tink, not reali necessary must have 2 kids...i have a younger brother but we arent close. Single child can be hapi too...he/she can make frens in sch rite? I agree dat burden on a single child will be heavier when his/her parents become old & sick. But i tink dats life rite? Having more children does not guarantee a lighter 'burden' on the kids when we r old. Its juz a probability thingy bah...Thou i have a bro, its like im an only child lor...so its sama sama i tink.

Ranval...agree ur hubby shldnt be so insistent on his views...i reali tink need to give & take. Before i got married to my hubby, he also agree with me no kid is ok....Now leh? Aiyoh...still wan a kid loh. But wat can i do? Not dat i dun wan one but i reali tink i will peng san due to the financial demands...ask me to dun slp, dun eat nvm but if no $, i will die...

Karen77sg, hey same same....if u see ppl around u getting preg & having kids one by one hor, wah lao...will envy one loh...lol. I will envy too but i dun envy seeing them worry abt $ *oop*

Clockwork...so now u also understd rite? lol..have one kid, ppl ask u when is the 2nd one...its juz nvending! I myself, prefer to have one also. I do have many frens who are single child in the family. And they arents spoilt or pampered or got attitude problem of not being able to share loh....Its all in the upbringing isnt it? Btw, u look v stylo for a mum...i bet u get hit on in the streets, lol.

Krisietong...let nature runs its own course is the best...I find trying for a kid quite stressful. Like do it for the sake of getting pregnant, not v enjoyable hor....Mayb my mentality will change when it comes to my turn but i dun reali look forward to the trying.

Dreamgirl, hmm..actually, i plan to take up a part-time local dip course but dat will take me 4yrs...so when i talk to hubby, he's not v pleased abt it as he wans to try for a baby rite after customary dinner in '09. So, his condition to me is, if i die die wan to upgrade now, i must be prepared to get preg & give birth in the midst of my dip course *faint* Cos he says he doesnt wan to be an old man by the time his kid is born *scratch head* So how? I will still go ahead with my course but if 'suay suay' reali preg halfway, i will juz take it also i tink....Becos i dun wish to delay my upgrading plans becos of a kid...but i also dun wish to spoil my hubby's 'dream' of becoming a father becos of my own plans *confused!* I still tink if need to scrimp $ here & there to have a baby, i rather not leh....cos lidat would mean not being able to afford the best for the kid loh...and u urself have to 'suffer'....and the kid may not turn out to be a 'good egg'...i tink im not helping at all

[Homeowner 1]

Yah, people evolve all the time...marriage is ultimately a commitment. It's really nice having kids, especially when you have support now and then e.g. hubby, grandparents. It's really wonderful if you and back-up caregivers share similar ideas and can be quite stressful if you all don't. If you have to cope and handle the baby, kid alone...sometimes, it can be quite overwhelming.

I think it is good to discuss and consider what life will be like after kid(s). E.g. when baby cries and poops at night, will he help out? When you are exhausted, need to study for test, will he help out? Just to set the expectations right.

[totomaster 0]

People have different beliefs in life. But for me, this is a fact. You may have a Toyota Altis right now, but I know in your mind, you are craving for a Porche. You may be staying in an Executive Apartment, but for sure, you want to stay in a private condo. But once you have your own children, you will never wish for more. They are youre real treasures that no other thing can supercede.

[Cokelight 0]

Last week I went to one wedding dinner.

There are 2 couples with small kids at the same table. Couple A, the hubby never help his wife with the kid until at the vegetable dish. His wife never ate anything until the vegetable dish came, the hb then take the kid out and wife grobble up the vegetables looking so hungry, and quickly drink her cold shark fin etc. The hb keep talking to other people and ignore the kid most of the time.

Couple B, both couple help each other and take turns to eat and talk.

I see the wife of couple A like v jiat lat, dun have time to eat.. The hb is so lazy didnt' even help much.. upon chatting with the wife realise that she is housewife - maybe the hb rely on her too much to handle the kid.

I say women who sacrifice for the kid and family is pityful.. and i say any husband who dun help their wife in taking care of kids is really.. no words to say.

[karen77sg 0]

Last week I went to one wedding dinner.

There are 2 couples with small kids at the same table. Couple A, the hubby never help his wife with the kid until at the vegetable dish. His wife never ate anything until the vegetable dish came, the hb then take the kid out and wife grobble up the vegetables looking so hungry, and quickly drink her cold shark fin etc. The hb keep talking to other people and ignore the kid most of the time.

Couple B, both couple help each other and take turns to eat and talk.

I see the wife of couple A like v jiat lat, dun have time to eat.. The hb is so lazy didnt' even help much.. upon chatting with the wife realise that she is housewife - maybe the hb rely on her too much to handle the kid.

I say women who sacrifice for the kid and family is pityful.. and i say any husband who dun help their wife in taking care of kids is really.. no words to say.

Wah...if like tat....wat is the use of hving kids if the HB dun help out? Cannot always depends on woman...Women also got to juggle between work life, housework and kids....If not working, I tink even worst cos HB will push everything to u cos they will give excuses like they are the breadwinner and they are working v hard to provide for the family...of cos tis does not happens to every couple...bt so far, sad to say, most couples are like tat lor...

I always feel tat it is the parents' responsibility to take care of the child and not only the mom or the dad's.

Its good to share the load and not to shirk it!

[ranval9 0]

Hi Ranval,

Their mindset will change. Dun worry!

Last time my HB used to say dun nd to be so gan cheong to hv kids...

Bt now almost all his friends hv kids, he start to gan cheong liao...more

gan cheong than me...

hmm.. share with you what actually happened ..

when my god daughter was borne , i happily called hubby to inform him of the good news .. suddenly

for no reasons, i beg him for just one child ... he happliy agreed .... i was overjoyed .. like almost floating upwards to the sky....

weeks later, he suddenly drop the bomb of the main reasons why he always so stressd and which why

every night he would grind his teeth. he having nightmares of us and the kid suffering .. no money

for everything we need.... lastly he said that we really can't afford to have any kid , as now we are just able

to manage euff for ourselves ...

from the heaven fell thru into the **** 18 storys down.... all my hopes and happiness gone ...

nothing i do can change his mind, now just concentrate on my reno and giving away my off days for more flights ... to earn my own pocket money.

[karen77sg 0]

hmm.. share with you what actually happened ..

when my god daughter was borne , i happily called hubby to inform him of the good news .. suddenly

for no reasons, i beg him for just one child ... he happliy agreed .... i was overjoyed .. like almost floating upwards to the sky....

weeks later, he suddenly drop the bomb of the main reasons why he always so stressd and which why

every night he would grind his teeth. he having nightmares of us and the kid suffering .. no money

for everything we need.... lastly he said that we really can't afford to have any kid , as now we are just able

to manage euff for ourselves ...

from the heaven fell thru into the **** 18 storys down.... all my hopes and happiness gone ...

nothing i do can change his mind, now just concentrate on my reno and giving away my off days for more flights ... to earn my own pocket money.

ranval9, dun worry too much....just concentrate on completing the reno at the moment, do 1 things at a time, step by step...

I tink yr HB is those whom plan everything carefully before taking up more committments. This is good...as he is a good planner...

After most things settled down, then talk to him slowly, perhaps by then his tinking will change...

Stay happi and there will be a solution when u cross the bridge!

[Cokelight 0]

Wah...if like tat....wat is the use of hving kids if the HB dun help out? Cannot always depends on woman...Women also got to juggle between work life, housework and kids....If not working, I tink even worst cos HB will push everything to u cos they will give excuses like they are the breadwinner and they are working v hard to provide for the family...of cos tis does not happens to every couple...bt so far, sad to say, most couples are like tat lor...

I always feel tat it is the parents' responsibility to take care of the child and not only the mom or the dad's.

Its good to share the load and not to shirk it!

Yup thats why I dun tink women shd be full time housewife unless really no one to take care of kids. Cos the hb will push everything to wife to take care. Then kid will also become v attached to mother (cos 80% he see mum more than dad) and become harder for father to take over too.