To Have Or Not To Have?

[cheesecake 0]

Hi all, juz wish to have different thoughts on this issue....i wont be getting pregnant anytime soon but sooner or later, i will have to face this issue....Sometimes, im quite sure i will have one...but other times, i tink its better not to have at all....But having children is an irreversible choice

Whether u r pro-kids or otherwise, feel free to share your views

[HSH21 1]

Having kids is a life time comitment... whether they are young, teenage, audlt... U still have to take care of them... worry for them...I always tell my friends... different stages have different problem... even when they grow up..

If U ask me if I have a choice.. whether I will choose not to have children... I have no answer to it...

[yoongf 11]

me a guy hor....

Rationally.. before it comes.. it does not seem logical to have kids. But.. since it's seems like a natural thing to have... so bite the bullet.. now.. got 2.. enriching leh.

So.. mai tu liao.. younger have the better. I see some Pri 1 kids mom.. wah.. some look quite auntie liao.

[HSH21 1]

I see some Pri 1 kids mom.. wah.. some look quite auntie liao.

Well... all married women become auntie liao... the 1st time when I was pregnance and those staff in the cline called me aunty ... I felt so odd... but think of it... they can't call me MISS any more right ??

[yoongf 11]

Well... all married women become auntie liao... the 1st time when I was pregnance and those staff in the cline called me aunty ... I felt so odd... but think of it... they can't call me MISS any more right ??

Aiyoh.. when i go clinic.. my wife is addressed as mommy.. and they call me daddy leh.

[karen77sg 0]

Haa....I like couples to call each other mommy and daddy...so sweet lor!

[Homeowner 1]

Kids give a lot of joy and a lot of stress.

Best that kids are highly anticipated and born into secure households where they will be loved and cherished 'cos really, they need a lot from the parents. It helps that they are just so naturally cute, so forgiving, loving and sweet. You understand your parents a whole lot better when you become a parent yourself.

Think that if a marriage is already rocky...a baby is the last thing to save it 'cos babies cause a lot of stress - they cry, they demand immediate attention, they might cause tensions amongst family members who have different ideas on taking care of babies and children...

[Warrior88 0]

Before marriage, me & gf very havoc.

After marriage for 1 years, couple life becomes boring.

So decide for 1st kid. 1st kid gets lonely, so go 2nd one.

3rd one no reason, just happen.

Now, we only live couple life after they sleep, our helper look after.

But, they are still the gems in our life.

Family should be started only if you are ready.

And agree with yoongf, start early, then can retire early.

Agree with homeowner also, you will appreciate your parents more if parents yourself.

You kids will also treat the same way, you treat your parents.

[Homeowner 1]

:bowdown: Wow! 3 kids! I love babies..but we are really throwing the towel after 2...really cannot cope anymore.

[rain 0]

Well... all married women become auntie liao... the 1st time when I was pregnance and those staff in the cline called me aunty ... I felt so odd... but think of it... they can't call me MISS any more right ??

When I was 24, and pregnant, while waiting at Novena MRT, an ah ma in her 70s approached me and asked,"Auntie ah, Tan Tock Seng where huh?"

Imagine my shock - I could be your granddaughter for goodness' sake. You call me 'auntie' just becos I am pregnant.

Back to the topic, I never thought I could be a parent because basically, I'm a very self-centred person. Although the child wasn't exactly planned, but she gave me a purpose in life. If not for her, I would have continued to drift along in life, not knowing what I want, or what I should do.

Now, if my marriage were more stable, I would love to have another one. Parenthood has more joys than tears, really. I haven't heard of anyone who regrets having kids.

[cheesecake 0]

Thks all for ur views

Im juz wondering wats the purpose of having children...To fulfill the personal desire of being a parent, answer nature's call or....? Sometimes, i see children having to study so hard, see parents on tv queuing up for primary sch, knowing so many kids attempt suicide at young age, need counselling etc....I reali not sure if its a good idea? Or mayb those are juz my excuses...?

I look at my parents & wonder if they have a choice again, would they wan me & my bro? To b frank, if its not for me & my bro, they would have be financially better off. Now dat im married & live so far from them, my bro will be living overseas, 2 of them alone at home & still have to work for a living.....I tink i rather not be borned. I try to find the answer, wats the purpose of my parents having us when in e end, they r still all alone. I noe its juz a cycle of LIFE itself but im worried if i reali have a child, she will face so much stress. School, exams...if she does well, join the rat race. If she fails, struggle to make a living. Will i b only bringing nothing but negative stuff to my child? She nv asked to be born rite?

I noe for those who have children, will nv regret having them....Im juz asking myself if i decide to have a child, wat is the reason? Would it be selfish of me to wan a child becos i love children & wan to be a parent (fulfil maternal instinct)? So its becos i myself wan a child, then i have a child? But i nv tink abt whether she will suffer when she's out in this world? Is the reason: i love kids & i wan to be the best parent i can be, good enuf to have a kid? Cos kids cant choose whether they can be borned anot rite?

Is my thinking warped??!

[Homeowner 1]

No, dear..your thinking is not warped.

I'm not a perfect mother but my kids are happy. They love being alive and really hate going to sleep. They face "kids' problems": sometimes they don't get their own way, sometimes their friends don't want to befriend them, etc. As they grow older, they'll face stress from school and work, and I hope I'll be there to encourage them.

Do your parents regret having you and your brother? My guess is no. I'm significantly poorer than if I were childless and still working. I think a research puts the figure as half a million. But, I think my life's significantly richer. I've experienced life as a mother and whoa! it's a real roller coaster of an experience and, if I have a choice, I would do it all over again. I love my 2 boys, even though they are such tiring and frustrating rascals sometimes. Children are truly blessings.

[ranval 0]

When I was 24, and pregnant, while waiting at Novena MRT, an ah ma in her 70s approached me and asked,"Auntie ah, Tan Tock Seng where huh?"

Imagine my shock - I could be your granddaughter for goodness' sake. You call me 'auntie' just becos I am pregnant.

Understand how you feel .. while I was serving to my passagers , the mothers always made their

kids to address me as aunty .. "ger /boi , thanks this aunty ... " some ladies even older than me , called

me aunty while me doing my marketing ..

Back to the topic, I never thought I could be a parent because basically, I'm a very self-centred person. Although the child wasn't exactly planned, but she gave me a purpose in life. If not for her, I would have continued to drift along in life, not knowing what I want, or what I should do.

Now, if my marriage were more stable, I would love to have another one. Parenthood has more joys than tears, really. I haven't heard of anyone who regrets having kids.

My own clock is clicking but hubby seems so self-centred and ever mentioned to me before that he din wan

to have kids ... thou sad but still went ahead to sign on the dotted line during ROM.

Just hope that after our house reno done up and finish the wedding dinner ... he might

change his mind ...

Seeing others so happy with their kids .. or even reading all the heartwarming stories from here , I always

feel that I still lack of something or a purpose in my life, even thou I have my donut ... still not right

somehow ...

Ever read somewhere : A family will complete with kids, and a strong bond for you n your hubby...

[karen77sg 0]

Hi Ranval,

Their mindset will change. Dun worry!

Last time my HB used to say dun nd to be so gan cheong to hv kids...

Bt now almost all his friends hv kids, he start to gan cheong liao...more

gan cheong than me...

[clockwork 0]

Hey hey..

I guess everyone has their own opinion about having kids.

I have 1 son, 5 yrs old now and had decided to stop at 1.

I know of some people who belive that just becoz we're women ,

we MUST have kids becoz it's the most natural thing to do after marriage.

I got pregnant soon after I got married and it was kinda overwhelming.

I didn't get to enjoy being a married couple as my baby came so soon.

And once I had my son , relatives starts to pester me to "make" more

babies It's so annoying !

The no:1 reason why I want 1 kid , is so we can give him the best that

that we can afford. And spend all our time with him. It's very expensive to

have many kids in S'pore and even if I cld afford 2 or more kids , I probably

wldn't spend much time with them coz we have to work very hard to provide

the best for our kids .

Like Warrior88 , my & hubby was also very havoc and having kids was the last thing on our minds!

Like Rain , who said " she gave me a purpose in life. If not for her, I would have continued to drift along in life, not knowing what I want, or what I should do" I was exactly liked that.

My son gave me a purpose in life , to move on and be a better person !!

And for all thoes moms who think you look like aunties , don't worry, Society judges all the time, esp the mothers. I get judge all the time becoz of the way I looked. I've got 2 pierced studs above my lips , an expanded 16mm earlope , tattoos and I'm a goth . It used to bother me when people misunderstood me all the time becoz of the way I looked.Now I'm just not bothered. Coz I belive that I shd never pretend to be like someone else to fit the "mother look" and I know I am a good mom but far from perfect !

Nobody is perfect ~!

I belive theres no wrong or right weather to have kids or not. It's your life and you shd decide what's best.

Thats me & my son~ hehe

I'm only 32 by the way

Share pics if you have any

Edited September 3, 2007 by clockwork