Any Of Yr Hubbies Work Very Late Every Day?

[chew@PPLe 0]

Well, anyone working today?? Yes I'm working!

ME TOO

Hello buddy

[singhao 0]

What u said makes perfect sense but as I said many times, we all have different perspectives of what the 80-20% entails. I also said we don't go snooping around for clues on "suspected" infidelity. I have also emphasised that we are only being more "alert". Seriously, I don't think there's anything wrong with being more alert. Of course, that doesn't mean we jump to conclusions the moment we sensed something amiss. The key is communication and that is why I have also made my point of talking things out.

Do not make conclusions that just because of the 80-20% trust, we are going to go around suspecting our partner. I think if I were to do that, I would be very bz. Some of us just prefer to reserve that extra level of alertness, you know, for just-in-case situations

Hi Air,

I think my point is... being 'alert' is not ok. Like what zirhk and I have mentioned, being 'alert' does not seem to serve any purpose in maintaining a healthy relationship. Maybe you can show us otherwise?

You may be alert and have detected something. But that something is already done. The crime has already been committed. Kudos to you if you are able to honestly tell your husband, "Dear, i found out that you are having an affair with XXX, but i forgive you. Let's work things out shall we?" If you don't mind going through the emotional rollercoaster of dealing with someone you love dearly who has cheated on you, then sure, i rest my case.

But I hope you realise that fully enjoying the potential of your relationship requires total trust from both parties. It prevents the crime from being committed in the first place. And if your guy succumbs eventually to the temptation despite your total trust and commitment, it will be him who will be the loser, not you. Invest your brain power in making him happy, and not in figuring out whether he is doing something behind your back.

Ask yourself, would you be happy to know that your husband doubts you when you go partying into the wee hours with friends, or tell him that you are working OT?

Prevention is better than cure, we've all been taught. I'm sure it doesn't take rocket science to figure out that being less than 100% trusting is in no way the prevention.

First to know : You can salvage your r/s asap and talk things out

Last to know : Too late. Gone case. Byebye.

U seriously think we are so shallow as to consider about "face" if things go wrong?!? Who cares about face when your r/s is giong downhill??

Why would being the last to know stop you from salvaging the relationship?

It suggests that it can't be salvaged because too many people know. Isn't that taking 'face' into consideration?

Edited June 3, 2007 by singhao

[Air 0]

Oh my god, can we stop the lecturing?? I have said that we are all here to SHARE viewpoints and NOT to judge what is right and what is wrong. Right and wrong are very subjective views. Like I said, what is right to you does not mean it is right to another. Don't force your thinking unto others. 'nuff said.

[LinDa 0]

I agree with Linda that this is blowing out of proportion. There are many different kinds of ppl in this world and with that, different methods of doing things. I do not condemn those who have 100% trust in their partners so why does it seem that those who believe in the 80-20% trust are being slammed?? We all have different ways of managing our r/s. It is not fair to start lecturing to us about how we should go about trusting our partner because what is effective to one does not mean it is effective to another. We are all here to just share our viewpoints so what's up with the blaming?? Don't get it.

Sorry if I sound like I am scrutinizing your post, but you should look at it again: You had placed 'preventing hurt' BEFORE 'saving my marriage'.

this is a forum not my exam paper which i have to plan before answering. so if you are not scrutizing my reply by analysing what came first, what is? loosen up pal, don't get so serious. unless you are my childhood best friend whom know me outside in and inside out and what i've been through in all my relationships, then by all means criticise me, otherwise i don't think its fair to pass judgement that i am not correct.

It suggests that it can't be salvaged because too many people know. Isn't that taking 'face' into consideration?

I'm throwing up my arms in the air .......

[ahnah 0]

working ? yes .... 24 /7

[karen77sg 0]

It's completely rubbish that a sales frontline job *must* entertain *all the time*. It's alot of bull****. Frontline jobs are better suited for singles. If your husband's job bothers you and makes you insecure. Talk it out. A responsible husband will change his job to save his marriage. No MCP crap here. My husband has to entertain. But you know what, it's confined to lunches. Period.

Bt if we were to ask them to change jobs jus becos we are not comfortable with it.

Are we being too much and overbearing?

Skali, in futue, he will blame me for messing up his career, then how?

let me describe to you about my hubby. whenever i want something (can be from cheap to extremely expensive) and he'll try his best to buy for me. he knows i'm crazy over LV bags and he still buy for me eventhough he realises LV bags are very expensive. he's very thrifty to himself. he can buy a cheapo bag for himself to use for many years and still refuse to change a new one. he also knows that i like sookee brilliant rose diamond ring and he can spend 20k++ to buy the brilliant rose diamond ring for me. when buying/choosing a new car, he'll ask me which brand and which model i like. our current car brand, model and color are all chosen by me. when i was learning driving, he paid for everything. even we went to tours (the countries that we went also decided by me) and he also paid for everything. he knows i like dogs and he bought me a dog 3 years ago. from the day i've resigned from my job and he always buy lunch for me without fail. with all the above mentioned, should i still stick to my 80% trust and 20% monitor "rule"??? !!

I tink yr hubby is near extinct liao....u shd cherish him...as for the 80% and 20% rule, it is still

up to individual....

[korea 0]

I tink yr hubby is near extinct liao....u shd cherish him...as for the 80% and 20% rule, it is still

up to individual....

extinct?

i'm still comfortable with the 80% trust and 20% monitor "rule".

[Phantom 1]

extinct?

i'm still comfortable with the 80% trust and 20% monitor "rule".

extinct means no longer around.

I think your hubby is endangered breed. lol

[korea 0]

extinct means no longer around.

I think your hubby is endangered breed. lol

karen wrote near extinct lah. what endangered breed. you then is one!

[Phantom 1]

lol...

paiseh paiseh..

read wrongly..

ha ha ha...

[karen77sg 0]

Like wat I say tis is very subjective and up to individual...

There is no need to get so worked up just bcos we have different

perceptions/tinking...

As long as we are happy and comfortable abt it, then is ok....

There is no right or wrong here...just some personal opinions

of ours....

extinct means no longer around.

I think your hubby is endangered breed. lol

Rare species!

[Air 0]

Like wat I say tis is very subjective and up to individual...

There is no need to get so worked up just bcos we have different

perceptions/tinking...

As long as we are happy and comfortable abt it, then is ok....

There is no right or wrong here...just some personal opinions

of ours....

This is what I've been trying to say all this while...getting a bit exasperated trying to explain

[karen77sg 0]

This is what I've been trying to say all this while...getting a bit exasperated trying to explain

Wel well...seems like I shouldn't start this thread....seems like a warzone now..

lol...

[Air 0]

Wel well...seems like I shouldn't start this thread....seems like a warzone now..

lol...

Haha...looks like it

[ahnah 0]

in the first place, you should name it as

Any Of Yr "THE OTHER HALF" Work Very Late Every Day?

instead of pin point to Man only.