Any Of Yr Hubbies Work Very Late Every Day?

[korea 0]

I had a friend who is now on separation with her husband, who is in IT. Reason being that her husband is boring, not romantic enough and everything also cannot decide, always ask my friend to decide.

To me, he is really a 'biao-zhun' husband; works 9 to 6, does not smoke/drink/club, man of few words, very routine, no surprises, not cheeky (eg dirty jokes, stupid/funny actions, etc), respectful, etc. But haiz, in a way I must admit that this could be abit boring lor.

Then again, sometimes really hard to please women leh - want decent man, but yet must be happening, romantic. Maybe someone should tell them that one can't have the cake and eat it too.

!!

hey hey, women aren't difficult to please ok!

of course, we want a decent man. but also hopefully sometimes we'll receive surprises from them and of course respect too.

[whiteivory 0]

ya, who wants to live and sleep with hb who like a robot?! Little surprises can bring liveliness and bonding into the marriage. On the other hand, I am sure men will also want to have a wife who plays multiple roles - a good mother to the kids, a tidy housekeeper, a great chef and a sexy kitten in bed.

[ahnah 0]

ya, who wants to live and sleep with hb who like a robot?! Little surprises can bring liveliness and bonding into the marriage. On the other hand, I am sure men will also want to have a wife who plays multiple roles - a good mother to the kids, a tidy housekeeper, a great chef and a sexy kitten in bed.

下得厨房 出得厅堂 上得大床

[zirhk3355 1]

Not all IT ppl are like this ... at least not for me and my kakis...

we smoke, we play pool, pub, drink occasionally. Lots of words, routine some time. lots of stupid surprises, lots of dirty jokes, stupid/funny actions, no respect to gals or same sex. ....

SO NOT ALL IT GUY ARE BORING.

男人不坏，女人不爱

Ya, I know that and some of drinking buddies are from IT too.

However while not all IT guys are boring, you must admit that MOST of them actually are boring, although the number of fun IT guys are increasing lah.

My DH once told me (when we were still singles) that Women are walking contradictions. They want EXCITEMENT and STABILITY. He said women should wake up and realise that exciting men aren't the most stable.

He is so right!!

I also chided my friend, because the guy was like that from the beginning lor, not as though he changed after marriage; in fact the problem is actually because he DID NOT change so my friend is greatly disappointed. But okok, to be fair to my friend sometimes the husband is quite insensitive and I also cannot tahan. Can't reveal too much lah, sekali someone here knows them!

Thought of another saying:

Women always hope that men will change after marriage - but they never did.

Men always hope that women will not change after marriage - but they always do.

True???

[korea 0]

ya, who wants to live and sleep with hb who like a robot?! Little surprises can bring liveliness and bonding into the marriage. On the other hand, I am sure men will also want to have a wife who plays multiple roles - a good mother to the kids, a tidy housekeeper, a great chef and a sexy kitten in bed.

imagine a wife has to play so many roles whereas the husband only plays a few roles! who is more tiring?!

[ahnah 0]

Ya, I know that and some of drinking buddies are from IT too.

However while not all IT guys are boring, you must admit that MOST of them actually are boring, although the number of fun IT guys are increasing lah.

Agree.

[karen77sg 0]

imagine a wife has to play so many roles whereas the husband only plays a few roles! who is more tiring?!

True....they got to balance between work and family...

They got to be a loving wife, responsible mother, understanding daughter-in-law, capable

working lady blah blah blah....

[scoria76 0]

Well well.....different ppl hv different views...tat is up to individual...

As for me, my tinking still stands....trust HB 80%, but reserve 20%

for observation....

As long as we feel comfortable...then is ok liao..

For me, I am still trying to cope and yes, I am going to enrol

in cooking classes soon...

Haa.....hopefully I will hv more "normal" friends....

Hi karen77sg,

U'r not alone. My hubby oso work till late at nite sometimes. Till date, I still wait in the office for him until he fetch me. kolig ask why wait, can go home 1st. I say never mind. Cos everytime, we communicate during the journey home. By the time, we reach home, hubby already prepare to sleep zzz..

Even if sometimes, I go home first, I will sure be stuck to the tv or internet or housework.. hehe.. So doesn't feel the loneliness.

karen,

yup relax urself & be as comfy as possible. Gd idea to enrol urself in the cooking class.. Yeah.. next tm can cook for us forummers.. hehe

I also believe in the 80-20 trust method, cos u will never know. And most important, I believe in wat goes around, come around. So if hubby not faithful now (*touchwood*), next time he sure kenna one.. of cos I won't the one unfaithful.

[Air 0]

Hi karen77sg,

U'r not alone. My hubby oso work till late at nite sometimes. Till date, I still wait in the office for him until he fetch me. kolig ask why wait, can go home 1st. I say never mind. Cos everytime, we communicate during the journey home. By the time, we reach home, hubby already prepare to sleep zzz..

Even if sometimes, I go home first, I will sure be stuck to the tv or internet or housework.. hehe.. So doesn't feel the loneliness.

karen,

yup relax urself & be as comfy as possible. Gd idea to enrol urself in the cooking class.. Yeah.. next tm can cook for us forummers.. hehe

I also believe in the 80-20 trust method, cos u will never know. And most important, I believe in wat goes around, come around. So if hubby not faithful now (*touchwood*), next time he sure kenna one.. of cos I won't the one unfaithful.

I believe in the 80-20 trust method too. Though my fiance kept reassuring me that he can swear he will never be unfaithful, I hve my doubts, not now but maybe n future...who knows what may happen... He's a nice guy and treats me very well but I've told him straight that I will never trust him 100%....abit harsh but I believe in protecting myself first cos in any scenario, women will always be at the losing end.

That said, of course I do not suspect his every move...if not, i will be very bz...

[korea 0]

I believe in the 80-20 trust method too. Though my fiance kept reassuring me that he can swear he will never be unfaithful, I hve my doubts, not now but maybe n future...who knows what may happen... He's a nice guy and treats me very well but I've told him straight that I will never trust him 100%....abit harsh but I believe in protecting myself first cos in any scenario, women will always be at the losing end.

That said, of course I do not suspect his every move...if not, i will be very bz...

i don't think it's wise for you to tell him that you don't trust him 100% lor. he might think that since you don't trust him 100% then he might as well do something behind your back b'cos no matter what he does and you also don't trust him 100%. usually, i'll not tell hubby such thing and will keep to myself then monitor.

[TYM 0]

They got to be a loving wife, responsible mother, understanding daughter-in-law, capable

working lady blah blah blah....

Err, man also got to be a loving husband, responsible father, understanding son-in-law, capable working man blah blah blah ... or no need meh

I believe each has their own roles to play, no point comparing who has a bigger or more roles to play, or else sure end up quarrelling.

[zirhk3355 1]

Just a curious question for those who agree with the 80-20 trust thingy:

Does it makes a difference? I mean, does it mean that if you trust 80-20, then he won't go astray and if you trust 100%, he might go astray?? Surely not, right?

Or it is just the "I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER" kinda feeling that makes you more secure as a woman?

Scenerios:

1. Husband go astray, I don't know - Aiya, nbz, so lu-gi!! *insecure*

2. Husband go astray, I KNOW - ok, shiok! Can run road (zao lor) first... *secure*

Hehe...just food for thought...

[Chunky Monkey 2]

Precisely. In all respect to women on this board ... I think you need to change your attitude. Why can't you give your 100%? Because you will be deemed weak for giving your 100%? Silly for giving your heart 100%. What's wrong with being 100% ga ga in love with your husband or BF?

I find it even more silly telling your SO that you only love him 80%. What do you expect him to say or react to that? Do you think he will love you 120% so that you will feel more secure? No, he will love you less too. And harbour some escape route in case you too, disappoint him in some way in the future.

I think alot has to be said about SG men too (men, don't get defensive yet). SG men can be rather selfish at times. They want to remain in the good books of buddies and sometimes put their friends before their SOs. Why? Because these so called buddies are prone to brand them as being hen-pecked and it's bad for their male egos. I wish these men understand that it's childish. Any man who puts their wives/GFs before themselves are to be cherished. Your friends may never last the lifetime that you are in. Ask yourself who do you want to have by your side when you are 70 years old? Do you want to hold your beloved's hand at 70 years old or do you see yourself huddled at the void decks of HDBs with other old folkies at 70?

I believe in the 80-20 trust method too. Though my fiance kept reassuring me that he can swear he will never be unfaithful, I hve my doubts, not now but maybe n future...who knows what may happen... He's a nice guy and treats me very well but I've told him straight that I will never trust him 100%....abit harsh but I believe in protecting myself first cos in any scenario, women will always be at the losing end.

That said, of course I do not suspect his every move...if not, i will be very bz...

Air, you will be married soon ... congratulations. But I don't see how retaining 20% is only to save you from any heartbreak. A heart break is a heart break. There is no 80% heartbreak versus a 100% heartbreak. So, in all due respect ... you're only kidding yourself, and giving yourself an illusion of a safety net.

The blatant truth in a long lasting and very happy marriage, is when you put your husband before yourself. It's hard to expect the same from your husband but if you show the way, may life reward you with abundance of joy and peace.

I think just between the 2 of you ... you still need to talk out your ideology of love and marriage. And your expectations. Seriously.

[chew@PPLe 0]

Just watched a chinese movie few days back, titled Happy Birthday to You. In the story, the gal and guy obviously love each other to death. But then the gal, because of her own insecurities and low self-confidence, refused to allow the guy to commit to their relationship, no matter what the guy did. She felt that it is better to remain just good frens becoz good frens won't say goodbye but couples may break up. I felt so sad for them... sorry, I watch movie always very emotional one. I mean, they could have build a wonderful life together but the gal didn't want to walk out of her own fears (which are not substantiated by circumstances) to love the guy. And the poor guy wanted so much to devote his life to her but she kept pushing him away.

What I'm trying to say is, we lose out when we doubt. We don't know the future but we can work towards a better future.

Edited May 26, 2007 by chew@PPLe

[roidana 0]

i think that we should get married with 100% trust on both sides, if not, then there shouldnt be a marriage. This is what a marraige is about, blind faith, in your spouse that he/she will never do anything to hurt you coz he/she loves you.

However, marriage is a gamble in the first place. so this obviously doesnt apply if he/she has betrayed your trust. If that happens, i really dont know what we can do.