I Love Two Persons At The Same Time

[korea 0]

Thanks all for your kind advice.

as said, end of the day I will have to face it myself no matter what.

I told B before, you appear in my life a little too late. Guess i just have to accept it.

I know I will be happier with him, not because he is some fantasy in my head. Somehow it is just the instinct. Do not know how to describe it.

Alot of 'if' comes into my head...

If only i have not married A...

If only i know what i want....

if only i am stronger...

if only i have the courage to make my own decision....

I know there is no point saying 'if' now. Life still goes on.

you've already got your answer, ok! the part where i highlighted! you love B and NOT A! you already clearly told us that you'll be happier with B. so why still want to cheat on A and yourself???

er... hello i just wanna highlight something here

i think some of us treat ROM as "not yet married, still can back out" and some of us feel that ROM = married already

maybe 2708soul must make her own distinction... but my feeling is, there must be a certain date (be it the ROM date or the wedding date) where u make a decision to commit. and once that decision is made, NEVER to look back and regret.

if haven't past the "commitment" date yet. can still call off the wedding (and highly encourage to do so if u are not sure)

if past the "commitment" date already, since already made the vow and decision, you should honour ur marriage vows and never look back on ur decision.

anyone agree with me?

personally, i treat ROM as legally married already. customary wedding is just a chinese tradition which either you want to do or don't want to do. some people just ROM then from there continue with their marriage life and no customary wedding at all.

[LinDa 0]

I think you should seriously consider whether to proceed with yr AD..

I had a friend whom pulled out 3 weeks before her AD..

I told her that I really admire her courage and she told me that she do not regret her decision till today (5 yrs ago)..

Though it was due to some other reason and not because she liked someone else..

I totally understand yr feeling of being in love with 2 men.. it feels like you are so torn apart..

But I find its still not too late as you have no kids..

Think of it, what if one day you have a kid and you see B again and realise that he still loves you and you still love him and you really want to be with him??

By then it will be even more impossible with a even more innocent party whom is directly related to you involved..

I know yr parents will be upset by yr decision initially but they will accept it if you do make it as blood is thicker than water and all they want is for you to be happy..

Why I say that is because I have another friend whom divorced amidst parents extreme violent objection but today, the parents love thier grand-daughter she have with the other guy whom she had fell in love with that caused the divorce (this friend she was married for 2 yrs before the divorce)..

Oh ya, my that first friend puts single in any of her application forms, resumes and nobody bothers..

Anyways, divorce is very common nowadays..

Just that I hope you won't make it too late as I have friends whom are divorced with kids and I really feel sorry for the kids whom have a slightly tougher road than other kids to take..

Its yr life not anyone else.. I wish you strength and courage for the road you want to take..

Edited May 4, 2007 by LinDa

[korea 0]

I think you should seriously consider whether to proceed with yr AD..

I had a friend whom pulled out 3 weeks before her AD..

I told her that I really admire her courage and she told me that she do not regret her decision till today (5 yrs ago)..

Though it was due to some other reason and not because she liked someone else..

I totally understand yr feeling of being in love with 2 men.. it feels like you are so torn apart..

But I find its still not too late as you have no kids..

Think of it, what if one day you have a kid and you see B again and realise that he still loves you and you still love him and you really want to be with him??

By then it will be even more impossible with a even more innocent party whom is directly related to you involved..

I know yr parents will be upset by yr decision initially but they will accept it if you do make it as blood is thicker than water and all they want is for you to be happy..

Why I say that is because I have another friend whom divorced amidst parents extreme violent objection but today, the parents love thier grand-daughter she have with the other guy whom she had fell in love with that caused the divorce (this friend she was married for 2 yrs before the divorce)..

Oh ya, my that first friend puts single in any of her application forms, resumes and nobody bothers..

Anyways, divorce is very common nowadays..

Just that I hope you won't make it too late as I have friends whom are divorced with kids and I really feel sorry for the kids whom have a slightly tougher road than other kids to take..

Its yr life not anyone else.. I wish you strength and courage for the road you want to take..

ya, this is your life. even if my parents don't like this man and i'll still choose him b'cos i love him and i know he's my mr right.

[applefreak 1]

hi 2708soul, do you mind if i ask about your religion?

coz it may be harder in some culture to just put everything down and do what our heart desires...

[oonik grl 0]

hello there. i used to be in a similar situation to urs. except that I have not ROM, only engaged. (note: ROM to me means legally married, engaged as in whole family knows u are getting married and have engagement ring)

i thot hard about it. many tears cried and many threats were made to me. but my decision was made on one single factor: If I were to marry A, I will not be happy for the rest of my life. And I only have myself to blame.

and now, I am getting married to B. I have never regretted my decision once. all i hope is you will think about it long and hard. not just for now, but also the future. not just for A, for B, for family, relatives or friends, but also for YOURSELF.

i wish u all the best in ur decision no matter what it is.

[korea 0]

my advise is follow your heart smartly and not blindly.

[LinDa 0]

hi 2708soul, do you mind if i ask about your religion?

coz it may be harder in some culture to just put everything down and do what our heart desires...

I think she might not reply le..

But she's so poor thing.. I can totally understand her predicament..

Feel like crying for her, noone to turn to except let it out in the forum here coz don't dare to tell or ask advice from any friend, in case friend tell friend and one thing leads to another.. scare hao shi bu chu men, huai shi chuan qian li.. Hais.. Hope she makes the right choice..

My take is she's chinese though.. Just a feeling..

Edited May 4, 2007 by LinDa

[applefreak 1]

actually i also quite dumb to ask that question

think only chinese will have rom and AD two years apart

[cookie 0]

Ya, no matter which one she choose, this will be a difficult time for her.

Hope it will not drag till long.

The world is still beautiful, all the best...

[Phantom 1]

2708soul,

after so many forummers have given their advice, i thought i'd just pop by to say my 2 cents worth.

If mrs phantom was like you. I would prefer her to cancel the AD with me if she feels and knows that without a shadow of doubt that she'll be happier with the other guy (B) ... Secrets never seem to stay secrets forever.. I rather not go through 20years of marriage and realize that Mrs Phantom had loved someone else more and that it is a marriage of convenience rather than anything else.

Your situtation is one nobody would want to be in.

Too many IFs involved, having said that, what if you choose B and you are not B's most loved?

Be fair to you, your future husband and B.

We need to burn some bridges in life and its never an easy choice.

Take care and all the best.

[2708soul 0]

hi 2708soul, do you mind if i ask about your religion?

coz it may be harder in some culture to just put everything down and do what our heart desires...

i am a catholic. We have been together for 10 years. Both our parents are very close. As i mentioned, we went separate ways for a short period, i initiated it. I told him i can't carry on like this anymore. I told him very frankly that i had fallen in love with another person. I know i am wrong. I should not have done that since i am with him for 10 years. If i can control my heart i would. He agreed to let me go initially. then things go haywire. He broke down. he looks strong but he is not. He nearly mental breakdown. His parents begged me to go back to him. My friends said i am a disgrace, a loose woman. they said is god's will that bring us together. I should never have the thought of leaving him. My parents nearly disown me. I know it sounds drama. I hope it is just a drama and not reality. I know i can't run away. I also can't bear to see him in that state. So one day, i just called B and told him I am sorry to cause him distress and i can never be with him. I wanted to see him face to face but i could not. A was outside the room waiting for me to say it. Both of us weep over the phone and said good bye. He said he will never come and look for me, he wants my life to be peaceful like before, and wish me well. It hurts a lot.

I was like a zombie. Takes a lot of will to eat and pretend everything is normal.

I think this is e best for all of us.

Half a year later, both parents asked us to get married. I told my dad we will rom first and customary later. So drag until this year. You know, i am never involved in the ROM. The families arrange the venue, the Pastor, the wedding rings, the caterer, the decoration... everything.

I think A is very happy when we rom, i think i am too. After Rom, my parents never bother me anymore. Also, A never pry on me as often as before. After B incident, he is very insecure. He will see my sms and call up my friends. But actually he did not have to. I never went out with anyone, even a friend after the incident. I do not blame him, his insecurity is caused by me. After the rom, i feel i have a little more space to myself. At least i can still stay at my parents' place before the AD.

I do not know what kind of marriage is this. If this is god's will like what the friend said. so be it.

[HSH21 1]

Heart so pain after read your post.... I feel so sorry for U... but remember it is your life... do U want to be unhappy for the rest of your life ?? Or U just want to make others happy ??

[Air 0]

So sad reading your post..

I guess at the end of the day, you need to decide whether you can learn to let go of B and fully enjoy your marriage with A. If you think you can't, you obviously don't love A enough to even try to forget B. It's difficult but I believe chang(2) tong(4) bu(4) ru(2) duan(3) tong(4). If you hold on to the marriage while still holding on to the consistent thoughts of B, you are not only torturing yourself but your husband too. It's better to break it off clean than to drag and waste each other's time.

[LinDa 0]

You only have one life,

be courageous to choose the life you want to live,

believe in yourself and in yourself you’ll find strength..

Edited May 7, 2007 by LinDa

[korea 0]

i feel very sad for you...

you should really ask yourself who you really love lah. or else you'll never be able to make a decision. i'm sure between A and B, there's one of them who you truely love. if you love A then pls forget about B. if you love B then pls forget about A. i'm also sure that if you truely love one of them then you'll never love the other one already. how can you love 2 persons at the same time??? !! i love my hubby very much so my heart is always with him and i can never love another man liao.