I Love Two Persons At The Same Time

[applefreak 1]

i think the answer is very obvious liao

it's pressure from all those around her that makes her go back to A

you know, it's a weird analogy but consider this

teenage boys always tell teenage girls that if you love me you will have sex with me

the girls should tell them back - if you love me you will wait for me

same goes here

your parents want you to listen to them before they love you

A wants to possess you before he love you

is this true love?

a parent should love their child regardless of what the child did

if they nearly disown you simply bcoz you didn't do what they want, what hope do you have that they will stand by you if you run into marital problem?

same goes for A, if he can't even wish you the best then he doesn't love you

if he really loves you he will want you to be happy.

guess i'm lucky that i'm not born into any religion and my parents are always supportive of my decision - as long as i explain how i feel and what goes through my mind.

and those 'friends' of yours, are they mother mary???

how do you know it's god will? how do they know as a matter of fact?

what happens all happen for a reason. maybe god knows that you are not happy with A, that's why you met B

learn to listen, observe for signs. that's how god communicates...

Edited May 7, 2007 by applefreak

[korea 0]

i think the answer is very obvious liao

it's pressure from all those around her that makes her go back to A

you know, it's a weird analogy but consider this

teenage boys always tell teenage girls that if you love me you will have sex with me

the girls should tell them back - if you love me you will wait for me

same goes here

your parents want you to listen to them before they love you

A wants to possess you before he love you

is this true love?

a parent should love their child regardless of what the child did

if they nearly disown you simply bcoz you didn't do what they want, what hope do you have that they will stand by you if you run into marital problem?

same goes for A, if he can't even wish you the best then he doesn't love you

if he really loves you he will want you to be happy.

guess i'm lucky that i'm not born into any religion and my parents are always supportive of my decision - as long as i explain how i feel and what goes through my mind.

and those 'friends' of yours, are they mother mary???

ya, all of us can tell that she loves B.

i'm thinking what if one day A betrays her then will her parents side A?? since her parents like A so much until they can disown their daughter. !!

[LinDa 0]

ya, all of us can tell that she loves B.

i'm thinking what if one day A betrays her then will her parents side A?? since her parents like A so much until they can disown their daughter. !!

oo, that one i got experience, everytime my parents know we quarrel right, my father will point in my face and ask me to SAY SORRY to my hubby!! without asking what happen hor, coz to them, my hubby is very good!! but they don't see the things he do when he is home lor..

besides the point, i think on top of her parents disapproving, she might have a fear that one day B leaves her, she has no-one to turn to for help, her parents may shut her out saying 'i told you so' and not let her into their house. she has no family to visit during chinese new year. she has none of her family or relatives to invite for their wedding dinner. B might treat her badly knowing she has no-one to turn to or B might not withstand the pressure of being 2708soul's only moral support. some guys cannot take the stress of being the one and only in a girl's life. i don't know but i think these are thoughts that might run through her mind.

[applefreak 1]

looking at the way her parents treat her

A can be the one who mistreats her and her parents will still say it's her fault and she deserves it

guess we are all brought up differently

i will never stand for this to happen

was in a similar situation when i broke off with my ex-fiance

he drank and leave voice msg in the middle of the night, called my parents and all my friends to ask them help him blah blah blah

thankfully my parents and friends are very supportive

they only ask if this is really what i want and have i really thought through everything

when i told them yes, they just left the matter...

i can only say this

- this is your life. nobody should, and nobody is in any position, to tell you how to live it. if marrying A is the only way to appease your parent, you must then weigh how important this is to you. if you value their approval MORE than your own happiness, then you will get it by marrying A. it all depends on what you want... ultimately, you cannot please EVERYONE. who is most important to you? yourself or those who dun care a bit about your happiness???

[korea 0]

haiz... if i were her and i also don't know what to do. i'll feel so lost...

if i were her, my main concern will be whether B will leave me (in the future) if eventually i've chosen him and opposed my parents? and if i've chosen A and in the future A treats me badly then will my parents side A? !!

[korea 0]

the topic shouldn't be "I Love Two Persons At The Same Time". it should be "I Truely Love B But Is Forced To Love A".

[LinDa 0]

the topic shouldn't be "I Love Two Persons At The Same Time". it should be "I Truely Love B But Is Forced To Love A".

haha, i guess she do love A in a different way.. obligation is a kind of love too.. i believe A and B are in totally different categories in her heart ba..

[2708soul 0]

my parents always tell me to reflect on myself. like what u said, if A mistreat me i think they will say, look inside u and reflect, what have u done to cause him to do this. Look, u think B will stand by u? See, even after all these, A still love u and want to take care of u for life, what more do u ask for as a man? U think u love B, u have been with A for so long, if that is not love what is that? Can u still find another guy like A? His parents love u and dote on you, can u bear to hurt them? Both of u receive the same education, have same interests, same religion, both parents get along so well, can u find another person with all these factors? A never did anything wrong to u, he is faithful to u, how can u do this to him? Have u not heard of ning4 yuan4 ren2 fu4 wo3, bu4 yuan4 wo3 fu4 ren2? In what way is B better than A? B appears in your life is to test your love to A, dont be blind, it is only an illusion.

Ya ya. All of them are right. They are good parents and A is a good man. And B in their eyes is the bad guy. I am being misled. In the end i give up fighting. I choose to believe them. How can i rebuke? Before trial i have already lose the case.... no supporters, no evidence. Just having B alone, can i survive through? B is sweet enough to tell me that he has chosen to be in my life, he will not be bother with all the accusation or finger pointing from my parents and friends or even threats from A. The decision is mine. He leave the choice to me. i chicken out, the pressure is really too much to bear.

I can only blame myself and no one else. What is the point of saying so much now right... my purpose is just to let out since i cant talk to anyone at all. talk to my dog he also walk away. haha. i just worried i will go crazy. I dont want to. i read the newspaper, many people jumped due to mental distress. i dont want to be the next. haha

Happy thing is i met up with B just now. As before, he is still e jovial type. Told me a funny joke. Talked about our dogs, spider man3, and nothing great. But to me is a great 20 min. i think i am sane when im with him. At least i think i am back to my cheerful self, happily chatting. Towards the end, i asked him, if A or my parents see us now, do u think they will say we are an adultery couple... hahaha. He give me a hug, and my tears just dropped. Of cos, i never let him see it. What is the point right... made him think i am happy and blessed so that he can move on with his life is better.

dear pple, i am really really so sad so sad... after seeing him, i am typing all these... i just cant control but sob. i am so pathetic. can only sob in front of my laptop in the middle of the night. **** me.

[raincole 0]

God loves his children. He will not caught you when you fall but he will be with you and help you stand.

I really wish you don't rushed into marriage so fast then.

Is your ROM including of the church? AD only the chinese dinner ba.

Are you staying together with A or still with parents?

More importantly, does A trust you? Why don't you go out with your friends anymore? It seems that you are still in depression. Is there any activities which you like? I would suggest that forget about both of them and start living your life, start with doing something you like.

Where are you staying?

[zacey 0]

2708soul

i feel so sad reading all your posts... i guess it really takes lot of courage to do wat your heart wants to do.. you really need to think very carefully before you take the plunge.. if you know you will regret your decison, then take a step backward and review your decision. I'm glad you let it out as keeping everything inside will be very miserable... view it in another way.. you still can review your decision... why did you meet B again? Fate? maybe its God giving you a second chance?

guess wat we can do here is to share with you our experiences and thots... ultimately, you have to make the decision...

Ganbatte ne....

[cookie 0]

Really sad to see what u are facing now, I understand bcos I had been thru both the situation b4.

I believe u love both A and B, it is just the 'timing' is different. What most important for you is to jump out of this triangle relationship, that means you need to make YOUR CHOICE fast!

Yes, it will be painful, but Chang2 Tong4 Bu4 Ru2 Duan3 Tong4.

No matter who you choose, there is no right or wrong. But if you made your decision and still seeing the other, then you are WRONG!

If u choose A, pls do not see B again!! No friend, no phone call, no whatever. U will know the pain will gone in very period when u REALLY CUT the relationship. But if u drag thing on, u will suffer, years after years...

From your last message, I see B is also responsible for causing your pain. Still seeing you privately after he said he will let u go. If he still want u he should hold on to u and stay by your side thru this difficult situation.

If you choose B, yes, you will have to face many many things. But both of you must go thru together. Your family may not accept, but the fact that you are still their daughter, they will understand it one day. Once you decided, you must not look back and go thru all the way.

Tell A your decision, tell your family, your final decision. And of cos, do not see B again. Cert can be annulled, as long as both party admit that you two did not stay together, and no husband wife relationship.

No decision is wrong, it is how and what you do that matters.

I can tell u, what you do now is wrong.

Edited May 8, 2007 by cookie

[applefreak 1]

reading your reply, i can't help but wonder what kind of criteria does one look for in a future spouse?

am i too naive??? i also thought you want to spend the rest of your life with a person bcoz of love, not bcoz the parents dote on you or he is a good person. if like that i marry dun know how many times liao loh...

maybe typing in all out and seeing it in words will help you recover from this. maybe deep in your heart this is just a case of 'AD-phobia' that quite a lot of would-be-brides experience. there's too many maybes...

i'm quite disillusioned by marriage coz a lot of my parents' friends are going through divorce now - coz they had held onto the marriage for reasons like children still small, pple cannot accept divorcees etc. so now that they only have a few years left, they finally realised that the only person that can make one happy is oneself.

it really tugs at my heart reading your reply. you need to sit down and ask yourself - is this what you really want? exchanging your marriage for support from parents and friends? if yes, then you have my best wishes

[oonik grl 0]

Everyone has a choice (this one also Spiderman got say ). it's just a matter of picking up ur courage to make the decision and stick to it.

I dunno u, I dunno A and I also dunno B. Each decision might have good and bad points. I think that all the other forummers comments are valid in its own way but u must choose what is best for urself.

Are u willing to spend the rest of ur life alone should u leave A ? B might also not be there for u.

And I think that u would need to find other friends. Friends dun let other friends suffer.

[Air 0]

View from parents is always different from our points of view.

Parents always assess a good husband-to-be (in their eyes ONLY) according to a number of factors:

1) Education

2) Financial standing

Plus, if you are together long enough already, then all the more they think you two shd get married.

They always think these are the key factors in assessing a good husband-to-be, one who is able to provide for you. That's why they will nag you to death to get married so that you can enjoy a good life.

But it's you who will be leading your own life in the end. No one is able to decide on your happiness. Only you yourself know when you are happy and when you are not.

[korea 0]

I look at the topic title and the contents.

Love 2 ppl?

Sounds like obsessed with someone that you cant get.

Just wondering what made you fall in love with A 10 years ago?

Even if u choose B right now...will u feel the same about B 10 years later when a newer guy come along?

I think u are just in love with the notion of falling in love.

If u really love B u would bless him and let him go to find his another love. Other then leave 2 guys hanging right? What u are doing to B is the same as what A is doing to you.

Its a choice which u made.

I read so many similar postings in singaporebrides, men women pouring their heart out saying that they marry the wrong ppl at the wrong time and only found their loved ones after they are married..

This is something for you to reflect about.

I give u one good living example.

My this colleague more drama den you. She said she was this one guy pak tor many years rich powerful etc etc. Loves her a lot. But just that their love very bland lar. See each other so many years liao.

Den came along this guy who is not as rich, more happening clubbing romantic - in short very "exciting" romance with him lor.

Her parents refused to accept her new choice of BF, thinking that he is not grad, not rich etc etc and broke up a good match made in heaven.

But she insisted and married her love of her lifetime. That was like 4 years ago. During that honeymoon stage she insisted that she is the most happinest woman in the world. Made the right choice to choose her new love etc etc blah blah. Even she stick to her choice as the world went against her...blah blah blah.

She even chided the gals in our co like me at that time for not getting married. Say so sad for them that they couldn't find the love of their LIFETIME.

Fast forward to Now?

She complained that she regretted marrying her new beau. 2 happening always not at home. Last time she can go happening with him when she had no bb. Now stradded with a son and housework he will go happening without her.

She resent him for not being rich. Romantic so what? She will choose money instead. She regretted of her choice to let go something which she was so used to and jumped into something just becos its fresh.

In short her hong hong lie lie ai qing becomes like this.

Now she goes around chided the gals like us again for getting married. Saying we are so foolish etc etc.

So rama drama...What do u all think?

your colleague is a very one kind type of person.

i always tell myself don't look back and don't regret for the things that i've done. no point by doing so. i always look forward to the future. in this way, i'll live happier! people always regret after they've married. why??? this is the marriage and partner you've chosen in the first place so why regret now when things aren't going smoothly. when things don't go smoothly then start to put blame on this and that. that isn't the way, right.

i feel that A is the most innocent party in this whole incident. 2708soul and B should be responsible to this whole incident.

frankly speaking, i don't like people to cheat in a relationship and "one leg steps onto two boats". everybody should treat a relationship seriously.