A Successful Marriage

[korea 0]

i want to ask opinions from all of you. what are the "ingredients" for a successful marriage?

[autumnzy 0]

I feel is communication. It will get harder as the time goes by..

Cos two person is basically sharing ONE life, so along the way, sure will have alot of friction & unhappiness build up. So the key is to still have effectively communicate despite all the differences you had with each other.

[ARCHer 0]

Ingredients? Here's a list:

o Tolerance

o Communication

o Empathy

o Sympathy

o Love

o Self-sacrifice without expecting anything in return

o Do not compare

o Do not expect

o Control your anger

o Forgive and forget

[korea 0]

ren ren ren...

n ensure one eye or both eyes are closed @ times...

but sometimes, ren too much and you'll explode one fine day if you can't ren anymore.

I feel is communication. It will get harder as the time goes by..

Cos two person is basically sharing ONE life, so along the way, sure will have alot of friction & unhappiness build up. So the key is to still have effectively communicate despite all the differences you had with each other.

ya, communication is one of the main "ingredients". but sometimes, it's also difficult to communicate if the other party doesn't want to listen to you.

Ingredients? Here's a list:

o Tolerance

o Communication

o Empathy

o Sympathy

o Love

o Self-sacrifice without expecting anything in return

o Do not compare

o Do not expect

o Control your anger

o Forgive and forget

wow, so many "ingredients" huh!

i asked this qns b'cos i saw many couples who are very old liao and they're still holding each other hands while walking on the street. i envy them a lot. so i was thinking, what are their "ingredients" to a successful marriage?

[chew@PPLe 0]

Sang this during my matrimony service, to me, that's the secret to successful relationships

Love is patient, Love is kind,

It does not envy, it does not boast,

It is not proud, It is not rude,

It is not self-seeking,

It is not easily angered,

It keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil,

but rejoices with the truth.

Love always protects, always trusts,

always hopes, always perseveres.

Love bears all things, believes all things,

hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends.

L o v e N e v e r F a i l s.

Corinthians 13 : 4 - 8

Edited March 22, 2007 by chew@PPLe

[xinyi_reiko 0]

Something to share from SG brides. An artical posted in SG brides.

|--------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| This is a very good article. read it. |

| Those who are still single may learn something from here.... |

| Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your |

| marriage.... |

| |

| |

| |

| DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON? |

| |

| During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. |

| She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" |

| I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, |

| "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How|

| do you know?" |

| |

| |

| Let me answer this question because the chances are |

| good that it's weighing on your mind. |

| |

| |

| Here's the answer. |

| EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with |

| your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked |

| their idiosyncrasies. |

| |

| |

| Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a |

| completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO |

| anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... |

| |

| Because it's happening TO YOU. |

| |

| |

| People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the |

| imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing |

| there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. |

| |

| |

| Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. |

| But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the |

| natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls |

| become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when |

| it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, |

| drive you nuts. |

| |

| |

| The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you |

| think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between |

| the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry |

| subsequent stage. |

| |

| |

| At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry |

| the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of |

| the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with |

| someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their |

| spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for |

| fulfillment. |

| |

| |

| Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is |

| the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a |

| friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. |

| |

| |

| But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. |

| It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with |

| someone else. You could. |

| |

| And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a |

| few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): |

| |

| |

| |

| THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S |

| LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND. |

| |

| |

| SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER |

| just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it |

| day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression "the labor of |

| love." |

| |

| Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it |

| takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. |

| |

| |

| Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific |

| things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your |

| marriage. |

| |

| |

| Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there |

| are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise |

| program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your |

| relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and |

| effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you|

| can "make" love. |

| |

| |

| Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling . |

|--------------------------------------------------------------------------|

[Air 0]

Something to share from SG brides. An artical posted in SG brides.

|--------------------------------------------------------------------------|

| This is a very good article. read it. |

| Those who are still single may learn something from here.... |

| Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your |

| marriage.... |

| |

| |

| |

| DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON? |

| |

| During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. |

| She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" |

| I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, |

| "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How|

| do you know?" |

| |

| |

| Let me answer this question because the chances are |

| good that it's weighing on your mind. |

| |

| |

| Here's the answer. |

| EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with |

| your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked |

| their idiosyncrasies. |

| |

| |

| Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a |

| completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO |

| anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... |

| |

| Because it's happening TO YOU. |

| |

| |

| People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the |

| imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing |

| there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. |

| |

| |

| Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. |

| But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the |

| natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls |

| become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when |

| it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, |

| drive you nuts. |

| |

| |

| The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you |

| think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between |

| the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry |

| subsequent stage. |

| |

| |

| At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry |

| the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of |

| the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with |

| someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their |

| spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for |

| fulfillment. |

| |

| |

| Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is |

| the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a |

| friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. |

| |

| |

| But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. |

| It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with |

| someone else. You could. |

| |

| And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a |

| few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): |

| |

| |

| |

| THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S |

| LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND. |

| |

| |

| SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER |

| just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it |

| day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression "the labor of |

| love." |

| |

| Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it |

| takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. |

| |

| |

| Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific |

| things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your |

| marriage. |

| |

| |

| Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there |

| are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise |

| program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your |

| relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and |

| effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you|

| can "make" love. |

| |

| |

| Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling . |

|--------------------------------------------------------------------------|

Very meaningful article.

I find myself nodding in agreement that I had guiltily yearned to experience a new r/s when the initial phase of infatuation faded. That was the hardest time between me and my then-bf (now-fiance). We endured endless arguments and quarrels and even broke off and patched back a few times. Many times, I had wanted to let go of it all and start a new r/s with a new guy but what held me back was the happy moments we shared together. Simply put, I just can't bear to part with those memories...or him.

Many what-ifs then appeared in my mind...what if the next guy who comes along didn't love me as much as my then-bf did? What if I regretted breaking up with him and would it be too late to turn back time?? What if it was only a moment of hot-headedness that led to this desire for a new experience??

Then I realised my desire for wanting to start a new r/s with a new guy was only a passing phase. It dawned on me that I was only looking for a new r/s just experience the excitement of being in a whole new r/s all over again. Once the fun fades, everything will be back to square one...quarrels, arguments etc etc.

I decided it was not worth it. After all, my then-bf treats me really well and loved me alot. I don't think I could ever find a man like him again. So now, we are getting married after 5yrs+ of being together.

I think a r/s takes time to develop and mature. I dare say that it's only after being together for 5 years that our r/s has more or less stabilised. No more thinking of new r/s, no more silly quarrels. Wholely agree with the article that it takes time, effort and energy. Sustaining a r/s is no easy task, much less enhancing it. If both parties are willing to put time and effort into it, I believe there will be lesser bitter feelings and lesser unhappiness.

[HSH21 1]

Have anyone read the news about the longest marriage in Singapore... 77 years... wow...

And the longest marriage in the Guinness' World Record... 86 years... wow... wow....

But there is a couple in China is challenging that record... saying that they've been married for 91 years...

[korea 0]

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

i love this sentence!

Very meaningful article.

I find myself nodding in agreement that I had guiltily yearned to experience a new r/s when the initial phase of infatuation faded. That was the hardest time between me and my then-bf (now-fiance). We endured endless arguments and quarrels and even broke off and patched back a few times. Many times, I had wanted to let go of it all and start a new r/s with a new guy but what held me back was the happy moments we shared together. Simply put, I just can't bear to part with those memories...or him.

Many what-ifs then appeared in my mind...what if the next guy who comes along didn't love me as much as my then-bf did? What if I regretted breaking up with him and would it be too late to turn back time?? What if it was only a moment of hot-headedness that led to this desire for a new experience??

Then I realised my desire for wanting to start a new r/s with a new guy was only a passing phase. It dawned on me that I was only looking for a new r/s just experience the excitement of being in a whole new r/s all over again. Once the fun fades, everything will be back to square one...quarrels, arguments etc etc.

I decided it was not worth it. After all, my then-bf treats me really well and loved me alot. I don't think I could ever find a man like him again. So now, we are getting married after 5yrs+ of being together.

I think a r/s takes time to develop and mature. I dare say that it's only after being together for 5 years that our r/s has more or less stabilised. No more thinking of new r/s, no more silly quarrels. Wholely agree with the article that it takes time, effort and energy. Sustaining a r/s is no easy task, much less enhancing it. If both parties are willing to put time and effort into it, I believe there will be lesser bitter feelings and lesser unhappiness.

sometimes, i wonder is it all relationships are like that??? your circumstance is quite similar to mine. sometimes, quarrel then said hurtful words. but i never ever think of looking for another new guy b'cos i love my hubby no matter what.

Have anyone read the news about the longest marriage in Singapore... 77 years... wow...

And the longest marriage in the Guinness' World Record... 86 years... wow... wow....

But there is a couple in China is challenging that record... saying that they've been married for 91 years...

wow, envy these couples a lot. so "en ai".

[HSH21 1]

温格·朱利的《幸福婚姻法则》“一大原则”、“三大定律”、“五大共识”。

“一大原则”

好人原则———找一个好人，自己做一个好人。谁能做到这一条，婚姻想不幸福都难。

“三大定律”

　　太太定律———第一条：太太永远是对的；第二条：如果太太错了，请参照第一条执行。

　　孩子定律———第一条：孩子永远是孩子，丈夫也是孩子；第二条：当丈夫引起你的不满时，请读三遍第一条。

　　家产定律———第一条：除了一张双人床外，其他一切东西都可有可无；第二条：当日子过得愈来愈烦琐，请共同高声朗读第一条。

　　夫妻双方若能遵守这三大定律，世界上所有的婚姻问题专家，都将另谋出路。

“五大共识” ———夫妻双方要有这样的共识：

1、爱情是把两个人拴在一起，婚姻是把一群人拴在一起。

2、结婚意味着杀富济贫，在金钱的支配上不能搞平均主义，更不能斤斤计较。

3、夫妻之间一旦发生矛盾，出面劝说的人越多，矛盾越是不容易解决，必须学会自我消化。

4、婚姻是一部机器，故障在所难免，离不开日常的调适和维护。

5、家庭既然是难言之隐的避难所，婚姻就应该具有藏污纳垢的能力。

[HSH21 1]

温格·朱利是美国的一位婚姻问题专家，他写了一本书，叫《幸福婚姻法则》。为了提高该书的发行量，他决定聘请一位代表性人物，作为该书的代言人。

　　2006年情人节，有一对夫妇被美国有线电视网(CNN)隆重推出，他们是102岁的丈夫兰迪斯和101岁的妻子格温。这一天，他们之所以成了美国的新闻人物，是因为在离婚率不断攀升的美国，他们俩创造了一项纪录，婚姻维持了78年。

　　朱利想，《幸福婚姻法则》一书的代言非他们莫属了。于是，通过新闻部门与他们取得联系，很快得到答复。说，可以！不过，他们得把书稿先看一下，以免一些冒牌的婚姻专家打着他们的旗号，推销自己的理论。

朱利把提纲寄出之后，很快就收到了兰迪斯先生的回信。

信是这么写的：朱利先生，您所提供的幸福婚姻法则，我读给太太听了，她差一点笑死过去。她说你的法则要是提前两天收到就好了，这样昨天与我的一场争吵就可以避免了。不过，她还是让我在这儿表示对您的感激。她说，她以后会比照着去做的。当然，是否能行得通，她心中没底。在这儿，我想私下里告诉你一句话，它是我太太曾经给我说过的：“在这个世界上，即使是最幸福的婚姻，一生中也会有两百次离婚的念头和五十次掐死对方的想法。”

Edited March 23, 2007 by HSH21

[HSH21 1]

温格·朱利的《幸福婚姻法则》书中收集的大量的“好婚姻”的例子，总结出八条“好婚姻”规则。这本书在美国引起轰动，成为一本热门畅销书。 这八条规则如下：

1、结束过去，重新开始。

2、不要只想自己，随时准备作出让步。

3、性是婚姻的基础，设法改变不协调状况。

4、找出时间来两人独处，结婚后依然是情侣。

5、幽默有特殊的意义，学会日常遇到麻烦时开个玩笑。

6、想出解决矛盾的办法，不要忍耐或动武。

7、学会处理家庭危机。

8、双方互相支持。

[strawberry02 0]

I think a successful marriage is easy to say, but difficult to maintain...As what some of u has said, have to endure each other..this is certain de..cannot always "ying bong ying"...Or else will definitely end up in quarrels..But quarrels are unavoidable, sometimes after quarrels couples might understand each other better...I have just lived together with my hb, so i cant give much comments, in time to come we might have more "mo cha"...Coz now n then i still got go back my own hse to stay ( havent customary yet)

[korea 0]

I think a successful marriage is easy to say, but difficult to maintain...As what some of u has said, have to endure each other..this is certain de..cannot always "ying bong ying"...Or else will definitely end up in quarrels..But quarrels are unavoidable, sometimes after quarrels couples might understand each other better...I have just lived together with my hb, so i cant give much comments, in time to come we might have more "mo cha"...Coz now n then i still got go back my own hse to stay ( havent customary yet)

i can say is that things are different during courtship days, after married days and staying togather days.

[strawberry02 0]

i can say is that things are different during courtship days, after married days and staying togather days. !!

Yup...I agree i agree...Especially the diff btw courtship n married days....Hahaa....