After Marriage Will U Secretly Keep Saving Apart Frm Ur Partner?

[Cantona7 0]

Hi All,

This Topic not only apply to wifey but also to husband... As my mum always tell my cousin to save her money separately from her partner cos is for her own benefit and I more or less agree on that after seeing sooo many failed marriage.

For me I dont have enough spare cash to save every month, so I start to think whether all gals secretly save on their own?

Edited October 24, 2008 by Cantona7

[Angel81 1]

Haha! Interesting topic.

For me, yes & no. Yes as in I'll keep saving apart fr my hb. No as in it's not secretly.

I totally agree with ur mom that everyone needs their own $$ for watever reasons, be it for that special must-have LV bag, own parents suddenli need $$ for emergencies, a last-min trip with girlfrens, etc. I don't like having to ask the other partner for permission to use the joint savings for personal stuff.

What we do is that we agree on a certain amt for monthly expenses (bills, etc) and a certain amt for joint savings. The rest of the salary is our own matters. What we do with it is our own choices. My hb and I continue to save more into our personal a/c (an amt decided by ourselves) and the balance is our own expenses.

That way, we cover all impt expenses and savings, and our own independence.

Edited October 24, 2008 by Angel81

[zirhk3355 1]

Usually in olden days, women do not work and they kept savings secretly with the "jia yong" money that the husband brings home.

Then there are two school of thoughts here; first one is of course for survival in case husband leaves them. Second is actually for the family, because usually the husband will be a spendthrift and not save, so in case of emergency, the wife will bring out her secret savings and save the situation. And why secret is because if the husband knows the wife is saving, he will always depends on the wife to help even in small finances situations, so it defeats the purpose.

I believe most dutiful wife subscribe to the second school of thought. Only those who are from the first school of thought would probably be the scheming and calculative women, taking the marriage as a business transaction and trying to find a 'back route' for themselves.

[zirhk3355 1]

wah so harsh arh. maybe calculative is not the word to use? should use practical?

Wahh, I never say selfish already good enough liao. If in a marriage always think of exit strategies, then might as well dun marry lor. My principle is, "if in doubt, don't."

Think this topic had been discussed before; so this will be my last post, otherwise flame war again...hehe...

[SmartFool 0]

am in the opinion that both men and women nowadays are selfish and calculative

have seen alot of examples liao

so must be fair to both sides.

otherwise an interesting issue

and always a potential war zone

[CutePinkElephant 0]

me dont hv secretly saving ler

so he know my 0 saving and i know his 0 saving ....happy happy together, and die die together lor

[X.H.LI 0]

its always good to be transparent.

but when it comes to money.... translucent can liao...

do let my partner know that i have own saving.

but he does know the figure...

since he don even let me know his monthly earning, i don think i need to inform him if theres any increment for me too (just decided this not long ago...)

i like to act poor. (towards him) =X

sometimes, i am wondering, if keep money involvement de issues from partner, is it correct.

will it lead to a failure marriage...?

[Cantona7 0]

sometimes, i am wondering, if keep money involvement de issues from partner, is it correct.

will it lead to a failure marriage...?

To be practical, YES sometime money can lead to failure marriage... BUT really depend cos there are alot of different view on it.

If u are in a DEEEEEEP Financial S.hit hole, Eg owing bank $100k c.c. debts due to loses in stock mkt, would ur husband took out all his saving to bail u out? Or u are in hospital due to serious illness will ur husband spend all his saving and the extend to borrow from others to save ur life?

What about ur mum going for operation and ask you to pay for the fees would ur husband help up in it???

Money issue sometime can be veri tense... This can really test ur marriage and the understanding to manage cashflow together for raining day.

Edited October 28, 2008 by Cantona7

[ahjane 2]

no secret for money issue between me and hubby..so we dun need to worry for each other...

for eg. wan to buy a big LCD super hi-tech TV for the house.. he may says ok, on the surface, but u never know if financially he is tight...or he has other committment e.g. high insurance premium..Cant jus pretend that he says ok means ok mah....worst he end up borrowing from banks for that....might hurt the marriage....

if you really know his REAL financial situation, then easier when suggesting travel trips..or big purchases...

[stevetang 0]

Wahh, I never say selfish already good enough liao. If in a marriage always think of exit strategies, then might as well dun marry lor. My principle is, "if in doubt, don't."

Think this topic had been discussed before; so this will be my last post, otherwise flame war again...hehe...

Wow very harsh lei

BUT I 100% AGREE WITH YOU.

Always think of what if??

But this is always a very debatable issues haiz....

[Praveen 0]

I don't think that anything should be done in secret when it comes to situations like these. Money is always a big issue in married life. If you want to start a savings for yourself, tell your hb that, and then do it. Don't keep it secret.

If you did, and he found out about it later, how would you explain it? In case I ever left you, I would need it. That doesn't sound like it would go over very well!

[therat 18]

I save but not secretly as my husband himself also save..

just that we don't know how much we save. he don't know mine. I don't know his.

[hibernate 0]

we each have our own savings ..

in case like the marriage falls apart or sth .. at least i have some money to support myself

or sometimes i need to spend some money for myself?

or buy gifts to surprise him?

can use own money instead of using money from our joint acct =D

[zirhk3355 1]

we each have our own savings ..

in case like the marriage falls apart or sth .. at least i have some money to support myself

or sometimes i need to spend some money for myself?

or buy gifts to surprise him?

can use own money instead of using money from our joint acct =D

That one is not considered secret savings la! I refer to 'secret savings' is under-declaring of salary and every month put $$$ into an account that the other party also does not know it exists.

What you mentioned is quite common, my wife and I do it too. We each have our own personal accounts and there is a a joint account; rule of thumb is buying/paying things that benefit ownself, then personal account. If it benefits both parties, then joint account. Then each month both will put equal money into joint account.

But this 'rule' is very loosely enforced lah; sometimes dun put in joint account, sometimes put more, sometimes put less. Sometimes buy food, groceries, light bulbs, etc also use personal accounts (how to draw $2 to buy a light bulb for the house, right??), then sometimes overspend no money to pay own credit card bills also close one eye use joint account.

The point is two persons together must be happy, must care for each other and SHARE. Money used up, lost, or buy wrong/expensive things, forget it! Can earn back one mah. Happiness cannot earn back leh.

So why lose something indispensable (happiness) over something dispensable (money)?? Doesn't make sense right? Thus IMO couples who fall out over money are really not meant to be together in the first place.

[hibernate 0]

ok lar ps for the misinterpretation