Funerals & Weddings

[NiVleK 0]

One of my best friend's mum just passed away.

I just had my ROM on 8th August 08. I have people telling me that for chinese beliefs, I should not attend the wake.

Can anyone advise if it is true? I am clueless about religions (as I do not follow customs and beliefs)

I hope to be there for him as a friend but I am afraid I might be not respecting since there is this belief?

[pinkpetter 0]

mm what a fix... if it's me I will go. If it is the other way round.... then only if it's close relative. meaning if my wedding is coming and the wake is going on... I'll only go if it's a close relative.

Usually it's chinese rites... the tea ceremony le.. ROM also will affect?

[NiVleK 0]

Problem is like what I have said, I am a non-believer of chinese customs and religion. So I did not have my tea ceremony (yet) and we will not have a wedding dinner.

But I am afraid that my friend's family will mind.

How how?

[therat 18]

even ur friend's family don't mind.

Ur side mind?

ur wife mind?

ur wife side mind?

[pinkpetter 0]

ah? think your friend's family wun mind. it doesn't make a diff to them. it's your wife and your wife's side?

[MaCe 3]

100 days.

most pple will understand.

[junetan7 0]

although i'm a firm believer of chinese customs, but I think, i'll go loh.

Coz ROM is not considered as 'married' in the eyes of chinese extremely traditional culture.

just that, before going, got to source for things that'll sort of block away any bad luck. Just keep secretly inside handbag can already. Or pocket.

but if you feel uncomfortable about it, telling her in advance is ok. Dependng on her character, if she can understand, then just explain to her bah.

[zirhk3355 1]

Problem is like what I have said, I am a non-believer of chinese customs and religion. So I did not have my tea ceremony (yet) and we will not have a wedding dinner.

But I am afraid that my friend's family will mind.

How how?

Then the simplest way is to be frank and ASK; tell your friend that you do not believe such things and you want to go, but if she or her family minds, then you won't go.

I am also like you, dun quite believe such things, but I will be sensitive to others' feelings lor. The only time I 'believe' and 'adhere' to such customs is when I really dowan to go to that wedding or funeral and use such customs as an excuse.

Oops...

[xinyi_reiko 0]

my sister friend pass away few days before my AD.. i told her not to attend her friend's wake. as we were told that immidate family should not attend any funeral or wedding 1 mth before/after wedding. As for the couple is 3 mths..

for me, i not really into such beliefs.. just that when comes to my customary wedding.. i am more caution. somemore is just few days away.. if is 2-3 weeks away.. i am still fine with it.. my sister understand and her friend's family also understand.

but yours is ROM, i feel should be fine.. my friend's grandfather pass away.. she got ask me if I mind abt this. i told her nope.. and she came to my ROM..

[NiVleK 0]

Thanks for the many suggestions. I did finally went over yesterday but did not consulted my friend about it.

I thought hard and think that I should be at least there to pay respects and to see how he is doing. I am so glad that I went and saw that he is ok. But it felt strange as I dunno what to say. (I have NEVER went to a wake, except my own grandmother's) I can feel his sorrow and I know it hurts. But, some of my other friends still can joke around which I do not feel comfortable joking in such solemn event.

Life is fragile, treasure it.