applefreak 1 Report post Posted January 23, 2008 sigh, i guess you'll have to stay with themhousing is a real headache especially when it comes to parents and parent-in-law !!units far away are cheaper, but transportation cost will increaseunits that are close to work are usually expensivedo also die, don't do also die !! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tweetie76 0 Report post Posted January 23, 2008 (edited) sigh, i guess you'll have to stay with themhousing is a real headache especially when it comes to parents and parent-in-law units far away are cheaper, but transportation cost will increaseunits that are close to work are usually expensivedo also die, don't do also die !!yalor, stay put until i die lor, what to do.. !! !!..our living habits dun click, although we dun hv conflict , but we are trying very hard to accomodate lor..everytime they see me walk out, they walk somewhere,we are like 'stranger' at home..everytime, dinner time, they will wait for me to eat first then they eat..very streessful...esp in morning, they know i m gg out to work at 730am, so even they are awake, they will wait until i hv left the house b4 they come out of their room :Sad: ..sometime i feel unwelcome, or rather weird lor..my hse like hotel 81..hahaha~ Edited January 23, 2008 by tweetie76 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
applefreak 1 Report post Posted January 23, 2008 sigh, that's not very goodmaybe you want to try to engage them bit by bit perhaps you can ask them to eat together on weekends or something?it's hard for 'strangers' to live under the same roofalthough by name you are relatives, but it still feel funny lohguess they are worried that they might get chased out if they offend you, similar to what the elder son's wife did Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tweetie76 0 Report post Posted January 23, 2008 sigh, that's not very goodmaybe you want to try to engage them bit by bit perhaps you can ask them to eat together on weekends or something?it's hard for 'strangers' to live under the same roofalthough by name you are relatives, but it still feel funny lohguess they are worried that they might get chased out if they offend you, similar to what the elder son's wife did hi applefreak,glad u understand the weirdness of living with 'strangers'we have try to brg them out, but the are just lazy to go out, sometime they say go out for what ? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
applefreak 1 Report post Posted January 23, 2008 yes coz i'm living with my BILhe also feel very awkward with us though we also try our best to make him feel comfortableguess all we can do is wait... wait for them to feel more comfortable with us Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
raincole 0 Report post Posted January 23, 2008 Maybe your husband should discuss with his brother. His brother also has a responsiblities to his parents. Maybe find a rental unit for your pil, then rental foke out by both brothers. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
zirhk3355 1 Report post Posted January 23, 2008 hi applefreak,glad u understand the weirdness of living with 'strangers'we have try to brg them out, but the are just lazy to go out, sometime they say go out for what ? Not sure if you had realised this, but if they are so resistant to having a 'stranger' in the house, why are they hesitating to discuss their options to move out on their own? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
applefreak 1 Report post Posted January 23, 2008 hehehe, some times older folks have the belief that they should live with their sonif not might consider it a lost of face, or just that they really don't have the financial means to move out on their own Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
babytan 0 Report post Posted January 23, 2008 thanks to those who replied to my "noob" question reason for me asking that is becos my fren told me that he actually loan from bank for his 3rd purchase of flat (so to say he already used twice his HDB loan) on his 2nd appointment, the officer asked him why didnt he get the loan from HDB...but no 2.6%, is the normal bank rates..he was surprised that they can still loan from HDB. finally he cancelled his bank loan and changed to HDB loantherefore, i am quite confused and thats the reason why i ask can we still loan from HBD even though we do not use the concessionary rates...as this is my 1st time and no time to go HDB and enquire.maybe i should do that on my 1st appt..nevertheless, thanks for all the valuable advice Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tweetie76 0 Report post Posted January 24, 2008 thanks to those who replied to my "noob" question reason for me asking that is becos my fren told me that he actually loan from bank for his 3rd purchase of flat (so to say he already used twice his HDB loan) on his 2nd appointment, the officer asked him why didnt he get the loan from HDB...but no 2.6%, is the normal bank rates..he was surprised that they can still loan from HDB. finally he cancelled his bank loan and changed to HDB loantherefore, i am quite confused and thats the reason why i ask can we still loan from HBD even though we do not use the concessionary rates...as this is my 1st time and no time to go HDB and enquire.maybe i should do that on my 1st appt..nevertheless, thanks for all the valuable advice Hi babytan,is your fren upgrading or downgrading? did ur fren get HDB loan at bank interest?i understand that if u get 2nd flat direct purchase from HDB , you will hv to pay resale levy of your first flat + interest. Not sure if you had realised this, but if they are so resistant to having a 'stranger' in the house, why are they hesitating to discuss their options to move out on their own? Hi zirhk,Well, FIL wants to move out, by MIL dosen't wants..so he cant get a flat on his own, he keeps pestering mil to remove her name from grandma's flat too..but she has no $$ to top up if she were to withdraw her name.Sometime u will feel vex when u see them like that.. I guess i will have to bear with this for the rest of my life hehehe, some times older folks have the belief that they should live with their sonif not might consider it a lost of face, or just that they really don't have the financial means to move out on their own Hi Applefreak,Can i ask why is ur BIL staying with u ? how abt ur PIL ? we actually thot of selling our exisitng flat, ask for higher COV, then use the CASH to get them a flat..already check w HDB that for flats purchase using CASH, u will get back CASH when u were to sell. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
zirhk3355 1 Report post Posted January 24, 2008 Hi zirhk,Well, FIL wants to move out, by MIL dosen't wants..so he cant get a flat on his own, he keeps pestering mil to remove her name from grandma's flat too..but she has no $$ to top up if she were to withdraw her name.Sometime u will feel vex when u see them like that.. I guess i will have to bear with this for the rest of my life Hmmz, how about your PIL go stay with grandma instead? If grandma's flat is not big enough, they can sell it and buy another flat together. This way no need to take out the name and pay money liao lor. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tweetie76 0 Report post Posted January 24, 2008 Hmmz, how about your PIL go stay with grandma instead? If grandma's flat is not big enough, they can sell it and buy another flat together. This way no need to take out the name and pay money liao lor.hi zirhkThe grandma now rent out that flat, she is staying with another son..she is not staying or selling eitherif she agree to sell, things wont be so complicated now..she says the house got sentimental values..but she refuse to let pil stay cos she say we got our hse shd move out Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
applefreak 1 Report post Posted January 24, 2008 (edited) Hi Applefreak,Can i ask why is ur BIL staying with u ? how abt ur PIL ? we actually thot of selling our exisitng flat, ask for higher COV, then use the CASH to get them a flat..already check w HDB that for flats purchase using CASH, u will get back CASH when u were to sell.that's my sister's hubby, i'm still single where got PIL guess for us it's a good arrangement coz we have a spare room, then my sister don't really know how to do housework and it's most economical for us to all stay together lucky for us that we don't have much issues with this arrangement coz my flat was bought at a low low price think the issue now is not because of money right, it's more of your FIL can't get a flat aloneas long as your MIL's name is stuck in another flat, think they have to stay with you Edited January 24, 2008 by applefreak Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
zirhk3355 1 Report post Posted January 24, 2008 hi zirhkThe grandma now rent out that flat, she is staying with another son..she is not staying or selling eitherif she agree to sell, things wont be so complicated now..she says the house got sentimental values..but she refuse to let pil stay cos she say we got our hse shd move outSorry what do you mean "she say we got our hse shd move out"? Who is 'we', you and your hubby, or your PIL?Anyway, since the problem is this way, I think you should just live with it. In life not everything happens the way we want it to be. You want to live alone with your hubby, but if situation does not allow, then we just got to deal with it lor. Its a joy to have old folks at home if you know how to manage them.I suggest you spend more energy to foster better relations with them, instead of trying to find ways and means to 'help' them move out... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tweetie76 0 Report post Posted January 24, 2008 Sorry what do you mean "she say we got our hse shd move out"? Who is 'we', you and your hubby, or your PIL?Anyway, since the problem is this way, I think you should just live with it. In life not everything happens the way we want it to be. You want to live alone with your hubby, but if situation does not allow, then we just got to deal with it lor. Its a joy to have old folks at home if you know how to manage them.I suggest you spend more energy to foster better relations with them, instead of trying to find ways and means to 'help' them move out...hi zirhk,granndma says we hv hse so PIL shd stay with us..i just feel that why is it has to be us..cos hb got another brother mah,why can he get away scot free?i know i hv got to bear with it, but sometime is PIL making us look awkward, u know sometime my brother comes my hse, they will go hide in their rm, dun dare to come out even they need go toilet, i was so pissed off Share this post Link to post Share on other sites