applefreak 1 Report post Posted January 30, 2008 (edited) sigh, i pity your PILi'll never allow my parents to be in such a state lohif they cannot accept my parents, means they cannot accept me as i amto hxll with this kind of partner Edited January 30, 2008 by applefreak Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tweetie76 0 Report post Posted January 31, 2008 (edited) sigh, i pity your PILi'll never allow my parents to be in such a state lohif they cannot accept my parents, means they cannot accept me as i amto hxll with this kind of partner 8|Hi applefreak, yalor, the bil super scared of the wife lor.. wat to do..then my pil not used to staying w me..keep saying '"They got no house, this is not their house" sometime i do feel bad lor aftering hearing this ... Edited January 31, 2008 by tweetie76 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
applefreak 1 Report post Posted January 31, 2008 maybe they wanted to hear assurances from you that you won't behave like your SILsometimes elderly folks will beat around the bush without saying what they wantthey tend to feel very insecure esp if their son had rejected them coz of 'another woman' ask your hubby to sit down with them one day and explain the situation to themthey may not understand that your MIL need to withdraw her name from grandma's flat to get a placeif they know that you've made an effort to elp them, they'll feel better about the situation hopefully Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tweetie76 0 Report post Posted January 31, 2008 maybe they wanted to hear assurances from you that you won't behave like your SILsometimes elderly folks will beat around the bush without saying what they wantthey tend to feel very insecure esp if their son had rejected them coz of 'another woman' ask your hubby to sit down with them one day and explain the situation to themthey may not understand that your MIL need to withdraw her name from grandma's flat to get a placeif they know that you've made an effort to elp them, they'll feel better about the situation hopefully hi applefreak,Do you think it will works? Everytime when they mention "They got no house, this is not their house" ..i really dunno how to answer them ..sigh..sometime i feel that they dun hv a sense of belonging to this 'house', so they become abit bo chap (or lazy) cos sometime i see their toilet, bedrm can get abit dirty.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
applefreak 1 Report post Posted January 31, 2008 as i don't know your PIL personally, i can't guarantee it'll definitely workbut find that most elderly tend to feel very insecure, esp if they had pinned their hope on their sons to take care of themguess you'll have to try to take one step at a timenext time when they say something like that, tell them this is their HOME and it's where they belong (sounds cliche but it works) we like a bit OT liao right? will kenna ban or not Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tweetie76 0 Report post Posted February 1, 2008 (edited) as i don't know your PIL personally, i can't guarantee it'll definitely workbut find that most elderly tend to feel very insecure, esp if they had pinned their hope on their sons to take care of themguess you'll have to try to take one step at a timenext time when they say something like that, tell them this is their HOME and it's where they belong (sounds cliche but it works) !!we like a bit OT liao right? will kenna ban or not !!well,applefreak,mmm..i dun think ur method will works..nvm..guess i hv to bear with it..since they cannot get loan, where on earth can they get a house ? now grandma says she's selling the 3rm..but she's been saying for the past 2 yr liao..i already numb to her 'lies'..i have been trying ways & method to get them a flat, but i dosent seem to hv a way.. Edited June 18, 2008 by tweetie76 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
applefreak 1 Report post Posted February 1, 2008 hmm tweetie76, it's not healthy for you to feel this wayin the long run, it'll cause a rife between you and your hubby coz you'd feel that you've got to bear with this kind of thing for his sakemaybe you need to talk to his parents about how you feelbetter for all to have a common understanding so that everyone can get alongand they'd have to know that you feel very stressed everytime they talk about not having a house Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
zirhk3355 1 Report post Posted February 1, 2008 Sorry to say this but frankly, if you think that your hubby's elder brother can 'escape' or 'get away scot-free', you are actually considering your PIL as a burden already.If you had sincerely wanted to help them blend in, you would feel that its a joy to have them with you and not even think that your BIL has 'escaped'. So in order to really solve this problem, you got to face yourself and really find the happiness to live with your PILs. Otherwise, you will be very upset and this is not good for your marriage. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tweetie76 0 Report post Posted February 1, 2008 (edited) Sorry to say this but frankly, if you think that your hubby's elder brother can 'escape' or 'get away scot-free', you are actually considering your PIL as a burden already.If you had sincerely wanted to help them blend in, you would feel that its a joy to have them with you and not even think that your BIL has 'escaped'. So in order to really solve this problem, you got to face yourself and really find the happiness to live with your PILs. Otherwise, you will be very upset and this is not good for your marriage.hi zirhk & applefreak..ya, i think you are right, sometime i feel that my marriage is on the verge of breaking down, duno how long can i "endure"..haha most of the time we quarrel bcos of PIL how should u folks think i shd help my PIL ?Do you all think i am selfish , bad DIL? Sincere opinions pls, no scolding me ,ok Edited February 1, 2008 by tweetie76 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tweetie76 0 Report post Posted February 12, 2008 hi zirhk & applefreak..ya, i think you are right, sometime i feel that my marriage is on the verge of breaking down, duno how long can i "endure"..haha most of the time we quarrel bcos of PIL how should u folks think i shd help my PIL ?Do you all think i am selfish , bad DIL? Sincere opinions pls, no scolding me ,ok hi all,GONG XI FA CAI !Guess what happen on the cny holidays ... my relatives visit my plc during CNY..and my PIL gone hiding ..i feel so bad so embarrassed everytime, when they say want to come my plc, i hv to think of excuse..so sianz..but cny i cannot say no..then my hb call my pil tell them that my relatives coming, ask them to dress up or go out..up to them..and the chose to go out..idle .. Lucky, i got a understanding hb he says he also feel embarrassed for his parents.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
applefreak 1 Report post Posted February 12, 2008 happy new year to you tweetie think the first step is to forge a stronger bond with your PILthe rejection of one's first born is difficult to swallow, so it'll take a long time for them to learn that you truely mean wellengage them in small talk and try to have dinner with them as often as you canit's really trying but at least your hb will appreciate the effort you put in for him there's no bad DIL unless you mean to bewe didn't see with our own eyes what actually happen so how can we 'scold' you???sidetrack a bit, i always thought you are a guy coz your nick is tweetie Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
zirhk3355 1 Report post Posted February 12, 2008 Since you are willing to talk about it then you are not that bad lah.I agree with applefreak, the key is to forge better relationship with your PIL; that should be your first and foremost objective before you consider doing anything else. All the buying/selling/rental flats should be placed aside for the moment... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tweetie76 0 Report post Posted February 12, 2008 (edited) Since you are willing to talk about it then you are not that bad lah.I agree with applefreak, the key is to forge better relationship with your PIL; that should be your first and foremost objective before you consider doing anything else. All the buying/selling/rental flats should be placed aside for the moment...Hi applefreak,Tweetie can be F or M mah..hehee Hi zirhk, My relationship with PIL is ok lah, just that they not used staying with us, everytime my relatives come,they will go hiding...cos they feel that other pple will 'look down' on them ..this is which sometime i cannot deny or help lor, that is why i feel sad about..everytime got stuck in this dilema but every time if their relative come, they will feel very proud ..cos they got BIG hse to stay Edited February 12, 2008 by tweetie76 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
applefreak 1 Report post Posted February 12, 2008 THE tweetie is male mah, so i thought you male too back to the topic, think it's more of they feel uncomfortable with 'strangers' i.e. your relativesmaybe they feel that you 'look down' on them coz your hb ask them to dress properlybut they didn't realise it's more a matter of courtesy instead Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tweetie76 0 Report post Posted February 13, 2008 THE tweetie is male mah, so i thought you male too 8|back to the topic, think it's more of they feel uncomfortable with 'strangers' i.e. your relativesmaybe they feel that you 'look down' on them coz your hb ask them to dress properlybut they didn't realise it's more a matter of courtesy instead hi applefreak,usually my hb will call them whenever their relative visit too, just tell them to get ready, don't go out.but i guess they really feel paiseh to meet my relative Guess what, my mil told us that they are entitle to buy rental flat from HDB last time at concessionary price, but they just refused to buy see what happen now, they cannot even rent... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
