Cheating Woes

[flo 0]

I just found out that he had an affair with another woman. And we had been married for 8 years! I never thought he would do such thing. I trusted him totally. My friends kept calling me to make sure i am ok cos i have not breakdown. yet. I really dunno what to do. Should i stay or just leave? The first thing came to my mind is i will divorce him but after a few talks with my friends they wanted me to give him one more chance. My heart is broken whenever i think about those images. Why did he do it? why? i kept thinking. Didnt we have a good communication in our relationship?

[fanren 0]

I just found out that he had an affair with another woman. And we had been married for 8 years! I never thought he would do such thing. I trusted him totally. My friends kept calling me to make sure i am ok cos i have not breakdown. yet. I really dunno what to do. Should i stay or just leave? The first thing came to my mind is i will divorce him but after a few talks with my friends they wanted me to give him one more chance. My heart is broken whenever i think about those images. Why did he do it? why? i kept thinking. Didnt we have a good communication in our relationship?

Hi, is sad to know that your husband hurt you so badly. Do you have kids? if no kids then things are easier...you can choose to divorce without hurting the next generation

However the key thing is not kids, think is whether you still love him? and did he still love you? is he repentance etc? what is his explanation to his act?

[Cantona7 0]

I just found out that he had an affair with another woman. And we had been married for 8 years! I never thought he would do such thing. I trusted him totally. My friends kept calling me to make sure i am ok cos i have not breakdown. yet. I really dunno what to do. Should i stay or just leave? The first thing came to my mind is i will divorce him but after a few talks with my friends they wanted me to give him one more chance. My heart is broken whenever i think about those images. Why did he do it? why? i kept thinking. Didnt we have a good communication in our relationship?

Hi Flo,

It so sad you type tis msg during ur xmas eve, u must have felt veri let down by ur hubby.

Does he know that u knew abt his affair and what was his excuse for that? Man like me usually come out with alot of excuses so u really must listern carefully and analyse which one is true.

To me once the man got chance to "Play play" outside he will nvr change jus like dog cant change to eat Sh*it. (Note: Apply to me only hor) But it still depend hw much he love u and is he willing to change to become a better husband.

GIVE him a Second Chance if he really deserve it. I can said is not easy for guy to resist the temptation outside somemore most of us use our (little brother) to think than brain when come to woman.

[kingzkong 0]

Hi Flo,

It so sad you type tis msg during ur xmas eve, u must have felt veri let down by ur hubby.

Does he know that u knew abt his affair and what was his excuse for that? Man like me usually come out with alot of excuses so u really must listern carefully and analyse which one is true.

To me once the man got chance to "Play play" outside he will nvr change jus like dog cant change to eat Sh*it. (Note: Apply to me only hor) But it still depend hw much he love u and is he willing to change to become a better husband.

GIVE him a Second Chance if he really deserve it. I can said is not easy for guy to resist the temptation outside somemore most of us use our (little brother) to think than brain when come to woman.

ha cantona7, like ur frankness, 'open door see mountain' !! .

hi Flo, me agree with cantona7, give him a chance if u n him, still love each other. might not be easy, but when it come to LOVE....trust ur feeling. all the best.

[karen77sg 0]

Hi Flo,

Sad to c yr entry....

I mean we are talking abt 8 years of marriage and not 8 mths....sometimes Its difficult to

let go just like tat...

Perhaps can hv a heart to heart talk with him and c how it goes!

Perhaps there may be some miscommunication somewhere....Talk it out before making

yr decision...

Or a counselling session for both of u might helps!

[khloh46 0]

I just found out that he had an affair with another woman. And we had been married for 8 years! I never thought he would do such thing. I trusted him totally. My friends kept calling me to make sure i am ok cos i have not breakdown. yet. I really dunno what to do. Should i stay or just leave? The first thing came to my mind is i will divorce him but after a few talks with my friends they wanted me to give him one more chance. My heart is broken whenever i think about those images. Why did he do it? why? i kept thinking. Didnt we have a good communication in our relationship?

Hey,

Really sorry to hear about your bad experience... I, myself, have been in your shoes once. It will be tough to reconcile but it is definitely worth a try. And if you just give up on it, you may look back and wonder why u didnt try some day...

Anyway, when 1 party strays in a relationship, it signifies that there is something which cannot be satisfied in a relationship and hence that straying partner has gone to look elsewhere. It can be anything from communication, emotional fulfillment to sexual satisfaction... I once read that we as humans are wired for infidelity... This means that it is really tempting to stray.

You have to talk to your partner to find out what is lacking. Of cos, it takes 2 hands to clap... if your partner is not willing to find the love that was there once, then it becomes difficult... I recommend that you engage a counsellor to help. Under such circumstances, it is hard for u to talk to him in a calmly manner... Scolding, blaming, shouting at each other will only increase the distance between the 2 of u... When a relationship breaks up, both partners have to take responsibility.

What I want to let u know is that... there are couples who become more loving after an affair has taken place... because thru the journey of working it out and rediscovery, they resolve the hidden issues and hence build stronger bond...

So good luck, my friend. I wish you all the best. Whatever the outcome may be, pls be strong. You will be fine... No matter how much pain it may be, it will not last forever.

http://www.carecorner.org.sg/ is a website where u can find gov funded counsellor

[zirhk3355 1]

So good luck, my friend. I wish you all the best. Whatever the outcome may be, pls be strong. You will be fine... No matter how much pain it may be, it will not last forever.

How true! Got an analogy for reference here:

To be out of love is like catching flu. Its unbearable and always felt like sh*t. The more you fight it, the worse it becomes. There is no medicine to cure it completely and quickly, but you can take some medicine to soothen the ill-effects. All you need is a good rest and after a few days, you will be spirited and healthy again. No matter how bad your symptoms are, as long as you enough rest, it will be over sooner than you expected.

[flo 0]

Thank you all for your concern. Finally I cried and cried whenever I think about it. During these few days, we talked about it and I asked him why. He said he did it for fun and he didnt think of the consequences. He also said he is sorry and beg me to give him a chance. I really couldnt believe it that he cheated on me even till now. How could he do such thing to me?! I trusted him so much. Right now, althou we are continuing our marriage life, I still just cant forget those images that I saw.

[karen77sg 0]

Flo...sincerely hope that things will work out for both of u in this brand new year!

Dun tink so much, just c whether things will work out, who noes it might be stronger than before!

[Cantona7 0]

Thank you all for your concern. Finally I cried and cried whenever I think about it. During these few days, we talked about it and I asked him why. He said he did it for fun and he didnt think of the consequences. He also said he is sorry and beg me to give him a chance. I really couldnt believe it that he cheated on me even till now. How could he do such thing to me?! I trusted him so much. Right now, althou we are continuing our marriage life, I still just cant forget those images that I saw.

Hi Flo,

There is still a long way to go in ur marriage, jus hope this incident be a little scar in it (I knw u will nvr forget the pain u had suffer). After all it really nt easy to maintain a marriage nowsaday, as I had mention if he is really sincere to change hope u can buried this in ur heart and move on together.

Take ur time to cool down and think of the future if u really cannt accept the fact, seperation can also be a good way for each other. (Take it as the last resort cos is take a fate to become a couple so cherish it to the last min).

[Brainstorm 0]

it will take time for u to come in terms and then decide what to do next. do let your hurt and anger runs its course before deciding what to do next. dun rush decisions...

take time apart from each other for now..i am very sorry to hear about this. u can contact me if u need someone to talk to...

Hi Flo,

There is still a long way to go in ur marriage, jus hope this incident be a little scar in it (I knw u will nvr forget the pain u had suffer). After all it really nt easy to maintain a marriage nowsaday, as I had mention if he is really sincere to change hope u can buried this in ur heart and move on together.

Take ur time to cool down and think of the future if u really cannt accept the fact, seperation can also be a good way for each other. (Take it as the last resort cos is take a fate to become a couple so cherish it to the last min).

Agreed with diva and Cantona. One thing I learn in life is not to make critical decision when you are sad, disappointed, let down and angry. Whatever your decision is at that time will most likely be things you do not desire and regret in the future. Let yourself cool down, take your time.... only when you are cool down, then start to think through what you really want, monitor how is your hubby doing (some people will learn from their mistake and be a better person, but some won't...), open your eyes, open your mind and slowly think thru. What you really want, your needs.

To go separate ways now is the easy way out but it will be very difficult to reverse this decision in future. (I'm not saying that going separate in not an option, but there are many many other options too....)

Take your time to decide. Most important now is to clear your mind, cool down, what has happen has already happen, keep thinking thru the images won't help you even a little bit. Don't let this images affect your emotion and thinking. Cool down, control your emotion.... only when you are back to your usual self, you can make the right decision that will benefit yourself in the future.

All the best in your decision, whatever it is. Good luck.

Edited January 6, 2008 by Brainstorm

[flo 0]

I want to thank you guys including those who pm me for your comforting and encouraging words. I greatly appreciate it.

I am trying my best not to think about it thou sometimes i recalled of them together in bed makes me sick! My heart really pain. How I wish it never happened.

[Cantona7 0]

I want to thank you guys including those who pm me for your comforting and encouraging words. I greatly appreciate it.

I am trying my best not to think about it thou sometimes i recalled of them together in bed makes me sick! My heart really pain. How I wish it never happened.

!!

[cheesecake 0]

Hi Flo

If ur hb says he only did it for fun & it isnt serious, he has to prove to u with actions. Wat will he do now to cut off all contact with dat woman? He has to tell u wat he will do to salvage the marriage & show dat he reali is doing something. Change his hp bills to itemised billing (his call records will all be shown on the bill)? Change job (if dat woman is a colleague)? Call u more often to 'report' w/o u having to track him? He has to be open abt his movements now.

For the time being, u will experience mood swings. Sometimes u will feel dat u can forgive him & deal with it. Sometimes, u will hate him to the core. Watever it is, the mood swings will pass. When they pass, dat is the time to re-think & re-call. Watever happen, it takes 2 hands to clap. Dun blame urself, dun blame him. But try looking ur marriage from a 3rd party's point of view.

Hope u can find peace soon....

[LadyLuck 0]

DO NOT LET THAT Bxxxx SUCCEED DEN UR HUBBY WILL BECOME THE VICTIM,

MAN IS ALWAYS BE MAN. WEAKNESS TO TEMPTATION

DO NOT LET THAT Bxxxx SUCCEED DEN UR HUBBY WILL BECOME THE VICTIM,

MAN IS ALWAYS BE MAN. WEAKNESS TO TEMPTATION

I am trying my best not to think about it thou sometimes i recalled of them together in bed makes me sick! My heart really pain. How I wish it never happened.

[Post edited, kindly be mindful of your postings & actions. Word of advise practice forum etiquette wisely.. thanks JuzChris]

Edited January 17, 2008 by JuzChris