& Your Story On The Proposal....

[cherlyn 0]

wow.. this is one of my favourite threads now. i enjoyed reading it men...

eh folks!! mind me asking... cus now hor we ROM liao mah then got a flat and reno done liao.. so next step is customary rite? i mean for me la....

so may i ask whats the so call amrket price and normal for dowry ar?

To the gers out here... pls lend me yr ears.... sob sob... so vexed! my mum **** greedy and stingy and $$ faced de, asking for sky high figure.. she sae im not a vietnamese and msian and im a singaporean and now is my golden age to be married off.....then she sae my hb indra_initiald47@hotmail.comoor then dun get married etc.. do u know my ROM plus the house now mostly is forked out by my hb?

my mum dun see this way as she sae all these are not $ into her pocket... wah lao...

sorry, tik its not appropriate to post this here hor? so sorry people.. just wana pour out my woes!! me quite fa feng le! =(

[ranval 0]

wow.. this is one of my favourite threads now. i enjoyed reading it men...

eh folks!! mind me asking... cus now hor we ROM liao mah then got a flat and reno done liao.. so next step is customary rite? i mean for me la....

so may i ask whats the so call amrket price and normal for dowry ar?

To the gers out here... pls lend me yr ears.... sob sob... so vexed! my mum **** greedy and stingy and $$ faced de, asking for sky high figure.. she sae im not a vietnamese and msian and im a singaporean and now is my golden age to be married off.....then she sae my hb indra_initiald47@hotmail.comoor then dun get married etc.. do u know my ROM plus the house now mostly is forked out by my hb?

my mum dun see this way as she sae all these are not $ into her pocket... wah lao...

sorry, tik its not appropriate to post this here hor? so sorry people.. just wana pour out my woes!! me quite fa feng le! =(

relax .. try to have a good talk with your mother ... explain to her clearly what is going on ...

my gf compromise with her mum , that during the wedding dinner , all her relatives ang bao she got to

collect ... and as for the dowry is what her hubby was comfy with lor .. think he gave her mother $5K with a total of 12 tables for the wedding dinner. Lucky they still managed to break even after all.

my own mother is more fearful that we won't have euff for ourselves and got into deep **** esp debts..

she is willing to give me all the ang bao since we are the one , paying from A-Z for the wedding ...

[cherlyn 0]

relax .. try to have a good talk with your mother ... explain to her clearly what is going on ...

my gf compromise with her mum , that during the wedding dinner , all her relatives ang bao she got to

collect ... and as for the dowry is what her hubby was comfy with lor .. think he gave her mother $5K with a total of 12 tables for the wedding dinner. Lucky they still managed to break even after all.

my own mother is more fearful that we won't have euff for ourselves and got into deep **** esp debts..

she is willing to give me all the ang bao since we are the one , paying from A-Z for the wedding ...

Ranval, thanks for your reply..

cannot tok to her de ley.. tok to her she flared up. she wun listen de. i just tok to her ytd oni...

i also tik $5k quite alrite...

dowry she wana take, APs for dinner she also wan to keep. in the end we duno keep what..

what u tik?

guo da li - shes asking for the norm la PLUS buffet for 40 pax - ok mah??

dowry she haven tell me yet - she said its going to be a BIG amt

dinner - she wans 6 tables - all APS she keep...

when i told her the dowry she must return back an amt to my hb for good symbolisation, she sae dun need to... she sae i v protective of my hb, sae he poor dun marry me la..

wah lao... cant stand her...

im the eldest in my family, i have two more younger sis.. sad to say, my mum dun reali dote me de, now tt im married off, she like lion open big mouth, sigh!!

haiz... any sloutions?

do u know i was telling my gf ytd, so cham like that, then i go die la! happy occasion becomes sad occasion is like what my mum wants.....

[ranval 0]

Ranval, thanks for your reply..

cannot tok to her de ley.. tok to her she flared up. she wun listen de. i just tok to her ytd oni...

i also tik $5k quite alrite...

dowry she wana take, APs for dinner she also wan to keep. in the end we duno keep what..

what u tik?

guo da li - shes asking for the norm la PLUS buffet for 40 pax - ok mah??

dowry she haven tell me yet - she said its going to be a BIG amt

dinner - she wans 6 tables - all APS she keep...

when i told her the dowry she must return back an amt to my hb for good symbolisation, she sae dun need to... she sae i v protective of my hb, sae he poor dun marry me la..

wah lao... cant stand her...

im the eldest in my family, i have two more younger sis.. sad to say, my mum dun reali dote me de, now tt im married off, she like lion open big mouth, sigh!!

haiz... any sloutions?

do u know i was telling my gf ytd, so cham like that, then i go die la! happy occasion becomes sad occasion is like what my mum wants.....

hmm.. let her cool down at the mean time lor ..

can sense that she is already very upset abt it le ...

you are not in the hurry to get everything done , right ?? when is your wedding dinner , btw ??

me also the eldest, while gf is youngest ... so hard to say leh ..

maybe have to wait for other sisters to reply . .since they have gone thru everything liao ...

me can't really able to help you much ...

me still pending for reno to start while wedding dinner next yr ... very scared to see the $$ level in

the bank booklet

goin down n down ..

[cherlyn 0]

hmm.. let her cool down at the mean time lor ..

can sense that she is already very upset abt it le ...

you are not in the hurry to get everything done , right ?? when is your wedding dinner , btw ??

me also the eldest, while gf is youngest ... so hard to say leh ..

maybe have to wait for other sisters to reply . .since they have gone thru everything liao ...

me can't really able to help you much ...

me still pending for reno to start while wedding dinner next yr ... very scared to see the $$ level in

the bank booklet

goin down n down ..

nah.. dun worry....

im just so fan and vexed now...

we doing thgs step by step mah... luckily house abt 75% done, $$ quite alrite cus been saving hard...

hb also v thrifty de...

now im **** worried abt my mum asking for like $10K dowry....wah faint....

$10k too much rite???

i was tiking not more than $5k lor.....$5k max u all tik ok??? reasonable?

for reno, u got to save up ley... whens yr reno starting?

dun wori, so long as stay employed, shd not be too much of a prob.. u got an ID or contractor?

nah.. dun worry....

im just so fan and vexed now...

we doing thgs step by step mah... luckily house abt 75% done, $$ quite alrite cus been saving hard...

hb also v thrifty de...

now im **** worried abt my mum asking for like $10K dowry....wah faint....

$10k too much rite???

i was tiking not more than $5k lor.....$5k max u all tik ok??? reasonable?

for reno, u got to save up ley... whens yr reno starting?

dun wori, so long as stay employed, shd not be too much of a prob.. u got an ID or contractor?

opps sorry, my dinner is next year after CNY...

[ranval 0]

nah.. dun worry....

im just so fan and vexed now...

we doing thgs step by step mah... luckily house abt 75% done, $$ quite alrite cus been saving hard...

hb also v thrifty de...

now im **** worried abt my mum asking for like $10K dowry....wah faint....

$10k too much rite???

i was tiking not more than $5k lor.....$5k max u all tik ok??? reasonable?

for reno, u got to save up ley... whens yr reno starting?

dun wori, so long as stay employed, shd not be too much of a prob.. u got an ID or contractor?

opps sorry, my dinner is next year after CNY...

it's okay .. no worries ....understand how you feel.

well, for your mother, see what she wants then try to explain and compromise to

what both of you can afford wor ..

the 40pax buffet , i think abit too much leh ...

so many ppl goin to your place ar ???

when my dog gave me problems .. after blah blah so much over here ,

somehow feel better after gotten so many advises from fellow members...

oh ... my dinner is next year dec .. coz we dun have much savings ...

while my reno starting late this sept or oct ... have to watch our spending wor ...

might get overboard with our credit cards ...

[cherlyn 0]

it's okay .. no worries ....understand how you feel.

well, for your mother, see what she wants then try to explain and compromise to

what both of you can afford wor ..

the 40pax buffet , i think abit too much leh ...

so many ppl goin to your place ar ???

when my dog gave me problems .. after blah blah so much over here ,

somehow feel better after gotten so many advises from fellow members...

oh ... my dinner is next year dec .. coz we dun have much savings ...

while my reno starting late this sept or oct ... have to watch our spending wor ...

might get overboard with our credit cards ...

i see. which contractor u using? total package hw much liao?? do within yr limit lor...

furniture can go those furniture factory buy if u dun mind.... like NOVA, Brigton, etc.. Ikea not bad for decor items.... then air con buy le mah? get frm gain city... electrical items can go HN.... can bargain... tell them yr budget then pretend pretend walk away.. the trick is to go during weekday! then they not too busy more time serve u and entertain u....

then u sae u have been walking around.. u know th pricing, trying to soruce for a beta deal....

[ranval 0]

i see. which contractor u using? total package hw much liao?? do within yr limit lor...

furniture can go those furniture factory buy if u dun mind.... like NOVA, Brigton, etc.. Ikea not bad for decor items.... then air con buy le mah? get frm gain city... electrical items can go HN.... can bargain... tell them yr budget then pretend pretend walk away.. the trick is to go during weekday! then they not too busy more time serve u and entertain u....

then u sae u have been walking around.. u know th pricing, trying to soruce for a beta deal....

hee.. thanks alot Cherlyn ...

my hubby refuses to do anything till we confirm and secure the RENO loan from RHB 1st ...

i will take note of everything you mentioned.

you can go to my reno tblog : ranval's love kennel

total reno cost : 30K ++, after lightings, furniture and tv will be 35K ++ or more.

(yet to start shopping)

[cherlyn 0]

hee.. thanks alot Cherlyn ...

my hubby refuses to do anything till we confirm and secure the RENO loan from RHB 1st ...

i will take note of everything you mentioned.

you can go to my reno tblog : ranval's love kennel

total reno cost : 30K ++, after lightings, furniture and tv will be 35K ++ or more.

(yet to start shopping)

suggest u buy bit by bit.. go for those big item ist and NECCESSITY ist lor....

b4 u paid all for the reno hor, must try to ask the contractor for freebies ley.. the thg is these idiots also v smart ppl plus cunning sales man so u must pre aimt them. b smarter than them! dun let them ctrl u... this hw i find la.. haha

eh will go yr love nest blog.. i mean forum

[gendon 0]

wow.. this is one of my favourite threads now. i enjoyed reading it men...

eh folks!! mind me asking... cus now hor we ROM liao mah then got a flat and reno done liao.. so next step is customary rite? i mean for me la....

so may i ask whats the so call amrket price and normal for dowry ar?

To the gers out here... pls lend me yr ears.... sob sob... so vexed! my mum **** greedy and stingy and $$ faced de, asking for sky high figure.. she sae im not a vietnamese and msian and im a singaporean and now is my golden age to be married off.....then she sae my hb indra_initiald47@hotmail.comoor then dun get married etc.. do u know my ROM plus the house now mostly is forked out by my hb?

my mum dun see this way as she sae all these are not $ into her pocket... wah lao...

sorry, tik its not appropriate to post this here hor? so sorry people.. just wana pour out my woes!! me quite fa feng le! =(

Hi cherlyn

I hope I'm not too late to give my humble opinion abt this dilemna of yours. Very sorry if I sound very ignorant...to me everyday is a learning day. Although I'm not from a Chinese community, I believe when it comes do weddings, almost everyone will have headaches somehow, over these kind of matters. The community where I come from, it's the norm that the bride's dowry is very much dependent on the educational level, profession, family background, and other blahs blahs blahs... And recently in the Malay papers, there was an article spread abt this guy who gave a Chrysler car to the bride as one of the dowry and on top of that the wedding celebration expenses came out to abt $100k ler. I mean, to me personally if one can afford it, why not.....as long it's his/her own money and not borrowed from any friend or family. However, I do wonder if after all that wedding jazz, can the couple manage their marital expenses without any debts all around? Well, it's just my IMHO.

I remembered that prior to my engagement years ago, me & my parents were asked several times with regards to my dowry. I told my hubby (bf then) that I don't want to state how much, all I ask is how much that he can afford to give w/o borrowing from others. Hubby got so fed-up with my vague reply, bcos his mom was asking the same thing. Then he asked me again to ask my parents. I just told him bluntly that my parents sure will say the same thing, like I did told him earlier. So when he relayed my reply to his mom, his mom & most of his family members were shocked, bcos usually for brides who are the only child, the dowry amt asked is usually very high and no "discount" one.

So, then came the day where my hubby's family and reprentatives came over to my place, to mark the day of engagement and discuss abt the wedding plans such as confirmed dates, dowry etc. When my hubby's eldest brother started the topic abt dowry, the rest of his family went unusually quiet bcos they want to really hear what my parents want to say how much they're asking for. Well, let me share with u what my dad said, "All I ask for is how much can he afford to give w/o borrowing from others. The dowry is not really that important. If the amount is very small, we will still accept it. Even if the amt is grand, we will still accept it. What is more important to us is how much can he afford to maintain himself, his wife, in this case our only child, AFTER the wedding and in future their own children, for their lifetime. Why should I ask a sky-high amt that leads my future son-in-law to beg, borrow or steal?"

So, after the meeting, my hubby told me that all his sisters, brothers and the rest of the family told him that he's one very lucky guy bcos their family ever kena by a family before, who also has an only child where the family asked for abt $10k for the dowry alone and no bargains, not including other gifts. So finally my hubby was convinced abt what I had said earlier to him abt the dowry amt, big or small.

[cherlyn 0]

Hi cherlyn

I hope I'm not too late to give my humble opinion abt this dilemna of yours. Very sorry if I sound very ignorant...to me everyday is a learning day. Although I'm not from a Chinese community, I believe when it comes do weddings, almost everyone will have headaches somehow, over these kind of matters. The community where I come from, it's the norm that the bride's dowry is very much dependent on the educational level, profession, family background, and other blahs blahs blahs... And recently in the Malay papers, there was an article spread abt this guy who gave a Chrysler car to the bride as one of the dowry and on top of that the wedding celebration expenses came out to abt $100k ler. I mean, to me personally if one can afford it, why not.....as long it's his/her own money and not borrowed from any friend or family. However, I do wonder if after all that wedding jazz, can the couple manage their marital expenses without any debts all around? Well, it's just my IMHO.

I remembered that prior to my engagement years ago, me & my parents were asked several times with regards to my dowry. I told my hubby (bf then) that I don't want to state how much, all I ask is how much that he can afford to give w/o borrowing from others. Hubby got so fed-up with my vague reply, bcos his mom was asking the same thing. Then he asked me again to ask my parents. I just told him bluntly that my parents sure will say the same thing, like I did told him earlier. So when he relayed my reply to his mom, his mom & most of his family members were shocked, bcos usually for brides who are the only child, the dowry amt asked is usually very high and no "discount" one.

So, then came the day where my hubby's family and reprentatives came over to my place, to mark the day of engagement and discuss abt the wedding plans such as confirmed dates, dowry etc. When my hubby's eldest brother started the topic abt dowry, the rest of his family went unusually quiet bcos they want to really hear what my parents want to say how much they're asking for. Well, let me share with u what my dad said, "All I ask for is how much can he afford to give w/o borrowing from others. The dowry is not really that important. If the amount is very small, we will still accept it. Even if the amt is grand, we will still accept it. What is more important to us is how much can he afford to maintain himself, his wife, in this case our only child, AFTER the wedding and in future their own children, for their lifetime. Why should I ask a sky-high amt that leads my future son-in-law to beg, borrow or steal?"

So, after the meeting, my hubby told me that all his sisters, brothers and the rest of the family told him that he's one very lucky guy bcos their family ever kena by a family before, who also has an only child where the family asked for abt $10k for the dowry alone and no bargains, not including other gifts. So finally my hubby was convinced abt what I had said earlier to him abt the dowry amt, big or small.

Hi Gendon,

thanks for your reply... but to me and to my hb, we cant afford $10k for a dowry.... dun forget we still have other thgs to pay for... like dinner, our chinese guo da li items etc...

haiz.. i reali duno how...

gers out here, any tips?

[gendon 0]

Hi Gendon,

thanks for your reply... but to me and to my hb, we cant afford $10k for a dowry.... dun forget we still have other thgs to pay for... like dinner, our chinese guo da li items etc...

haiz.. i reali duno how...

gers out here, any tips?

Wow, the $10k dowry was the amt your mom asked? Ya lor, that's a lot of money considering the other wedding expenses as well. Perhaps if you can find a quiet time or moment when your mom is more receptive to listening to what you have to say, bcos parents sometimes forget that we are already adults. Or perhaps that she is worried abt how u gonna cope after u get married? If yes, abt this you can bring up to her that the $10k dowry is putting a heavy load on you and hb, doesn't she want you & hb to be happy after all? Well, it's a bit tricky sometimes when dealing with parents, I guess we most do feel that way.

[ranval 0]

Hi cherlyn

I hope I'm not too late to give my humble opinion abt this dilemna of yours. Very sorry if I sound very ignorant...to me everyday is a learning day. Although I'm not from a Chinese community, I believe when it comes do weddings, almost everyone will have headaches somehow, over these kind of matters. The community where I come from, it's the norm that the bride's dowry is very much dependent on the educational level, profession, family background, and other blahs blahs blahs... And recently in the Malay papers, there was an article spread abt this guy who gave a Chrysler car to the bride as one of the dowry and on top of that the wedding celebration expenses came out to abt $100k ler. I mean, to me personally if one can afford it, why not.....as long it's his/her own money and not borrowed from any friend or family. However, I do wonder if after all that wedding jazz, can the couple manage their marital expenses without any debts all around? Well, it's just my IMHO.

I remembered that prior to my engagement years ago, me & my parents were asked several times with regards to my dowry. I told my hubby (bf then) that I don't want to state how much, all I ask is how much that he can afford to give w/o borrowing from others. Hubby got so fed-up with my vague reply, bcos his mom was asking the same thing. Then he asked me again to ask my parents. I just told him bluntly that my parents sure will say the same thing, like I did told him earlier. So when he relayed my reply to his mom, his mom & most of his family members were shocked, bcos usually for brides who are the only child, the dowry amt asked is usually very high and no "discount" one.

So, then came the day where my hubby's family and reprentatives came over to my place, to mark the day of engagement and discuss abt the wedding plans such as confirmed dates, dowry etc. When my hubby's eldest brother started the topic abt dowry, the rest of his family went unusually quiet bcos they want to really hear what my parents want to say how much they're asking for. Well, let me share with u what my dad said, "All I ask for is how much can he afford to give w/o borrowing from others. The dowry is not really that important. If the amount is very small, we will still accept it. Even if the amt is grand, we will still accept it. What is more important to us is how much can he afford to maintain himself, his wife, in this case our only child, AFTER the wedding and in future their own children, for their lifetime. Why should I ask a sky-high amt that leads my future son-in-law to beg, borrow or steal?"

So, after the meeting, my hubby told me that all his sisters, brothers and the rest of the family told him that he's one very lucky guy bcos their family ever kena by a family before, who also has an only child where the family asked for abt $10k for the dowry alone and no bargains, not including other gifts. So finally my hubby was convinced abt what I had said earlier to him abt the dowry amt, big or small.

my mother also telling me the same thing ... how much my hubby can really afford to take care of me .. have any amt of dowry is fine with her .... but my father yet to comment on it wor ...

now my hubby is saving like crazy for it .. think abt $5K wor ...

[karen77sg 0]

sama sama ...

after comfirmed our resale flat already, hubby asked ," eh so how? confirm my lao po hor .."

me went HUH ??

weeks later, he fetch me from airport , wanted to bring me to beach chalet but been raining earlier ...so end up went back to his place ...

At 1st, he was so busy with his pc , so i tot he was playing his WOW .. thus i went to get changed into my PJ ..

who knows later ... he asked me to look at the moniter screen ... which was blank black at 1st ..

then words slowing to show ... Ran**** Loves You, Val**** .... Will you marry Me ??? ....

I was even more surprised to see him to kneel down beside me with the diamond ring ... and said those words again ....

It's touched my heart esp I know that he is quite broke after we paid the deposits for our house.

After wearing the diamond ring and sae yesh ... me so happy and wide awake ... ( actually was very super tired after work )

Thou it was already so late , i still went to sms my gfs abt it ...

later the whole night sleep with a on my face ... hubby saw it ... but din a pic of me ...

Turned out that he spent almost his whole bonus on my diamond ring ... was very afraid that i would mind abt the size ..

But to me, I dun bother about it and coz it's tots that counts most. Esp. knowin that he loves me more than ever , from his bottom of his heart

Ya...size does not matters...wat is more impt is the sincerity...even he buy u the biggest diamond ring,

bt break the promise and flirt around later on, wats the use? Rite?

Ranval, thanks for your reply..

cannot tok to her de ley.. tok to her she flared up. she wun listen de. i just tok to her ytd oni...

i also tik $5k quite alrite...

dowry she wana take, APs for dinner she also wan to keep. in the end we duno keep what..

what u tik?

guo da li - shes asking for the norm la PLUS buffet for 40 pax - ok mah??

dowry she haven tell me yet - she said its going to be a BIG amt

dinner - she wans 6 tables - all APS she keep...

when i told her the dowry she must return back an amt to my hb for good symbolisation, she sae dun need to... she sae i v protective of my hb, sae he poor dun marry me la..

wah lao... cant stand her...

im the eldest in my family, i have two more younger sis.. sad to say, my mum dun reali dote me de, now tt im married off, she like lion open big mouth, sigh!!

haiz... any sloutions?

do u know i was telling my gf ytd, so cham like that, then i go die la! happy occasion becomes sad occasion is like what my mum wants.....

Wah....I never heard tat Guo Da Li still must give buffet one...yr mom really Lion...Oops...so sorri...

I tort just the cakes to be given to close relatives and the dowry and other customary things to give yr mom is ok liao? Buffet? Honestly, I have never never seen before....

My mum is more understanding in tis way...she oni request $688 for the AP and 9 tables whereby she keep all the APs....do u believe aft tat she still rtn us 3k....I am so glad lor...mabbe tat was becos I had my customary at a v young age and she also noe we no money....fyi...I am also the eldest in the family...

[cherlyn 0]

Ya...size does not matters...wat is more impt is the sincerity...even he buy u the biggest diamond ring,

bt break the promise and flirt around later on, wats the use? Rite?

Wah....I never heard tat Guo Da Li still must give buffet one...yr mom really Lion...Oops...so sorri...

I tort just the cakes to be given to close relatives and the dowry and other customary things to give yr mom is ok liao? Buffet? Honestly, I have never never seen before....

My mum is more understanding in tis way...she oni request $688 for the AP and 9 tables whereby she keep all the APs....do u believe aft tat she still rtn us 3k....I am so glad lor...mabbe tat was becos I had my customary at a v young age and she also noe we no money....fyi...I am also the eldest in the family...

i was tiking buffet i gv her la.. i gv the lion... (i also tik she lion lor) haiz.. sigh...

then i tell her all the APs and jewellery i keep.. folks, how? reasaonable mah??

then dinner 6 tables gv her lor, bo bian and the APs of cus also gv her lor...

do u all still gv mum allowance?

mum was telling me i shd gv her allowance till she die and that the dowry also must be big. sigh... like making use of this opportunity to CUT CARROT u know...

i was tiking maybe meet half way.. u wan big dowry, i stop my allowance to u.... u let half way suggest a reasonable dowry, i cond gv u allowance...

fyi i gv $300 to her.. im not eating at hm, only sleep and use water and lights lor... no phone using and no pc and no internet using also... (im here in ofc oni)